I’d recommend articulating your story just as you have done in this comment. It sounds like you have an interesting story to tell. Just sit down some time and make an outline of your journey, swimming in the river (love that image, dark though it may be). I know the sitting down part is easier said than done, but you’d be amazed what you can do with an hour or two of stillness and solitude. Get to work! I’d love to read some of your stuff.