Don’t Be a Quitter, But Learn When To Quit
Call me cynical, but I would quit my job if nobody were looking. If my family wasn’t there to judge me and tell me I’m a fool.
I was raised never to quit, but I was a quitter at heart. I would quietly quit. I would give up early. If I didn’t see a path to victory early on, I would put in minimal effort to avoid disappointment.
At forty, I have completely reversed this. I never quit. Anything. And it’s hurting me. It’s caused irreversible damage that I can ensure doesn’t continue.
Knowing when to quit is important. It’s a judgmental call where you will never fully know if you would have been better off if you had stayed.
These are difficult decisions because people tend to look into the future and think, “Is this the best I can do? Maybe I should just settle. I am scared of what is out there.” Controlling catastrophizing and predicting the future is difficult. I tend to ruminate about the past and look to the future, which I have GREATLY improved in avoiding.
Avoiding Risks Vs Taking Them On
My job is to plan and execute projects. I am responsible for looking to the future to avoid and mitigate risks. I tend to do this in my personal life, which negatively affects me. Risks are where the real rewards are, so if you spend most of your life avoiding them, you will not accomplish much.
Relationships, jobs, hobbies, friends, etc., are all affected by our choice to quit.
Quitting Jobs
Let’s say you have a job as a business analyst, with a robust work schedule and little flexibility, and a boss who micro-manages you. You stick with the job because you feel if you work hard enough, you will be promoted and move on to better things.
Two years later, the hours are longer, the flexibility is less, and your boss has not improved. With no sign of a promotion in sight, what do you do?
If you enjoy being micro-managed and love having no autonomy, you should stay in this job. Maybe 0.1% of the population on earth would fall in this category.
Let’s say you enjoy the robust schedule but are on the fence about opportunities outside this job. Making the job a bit more tolerant. This is where the trouble lies.
Time is of the essence in life, but so is patience. So if you are hasty, you will feel that you may have jumped the gun, but if you stay, it will only get harder to leave. In my humble opinion, the latter is the worst of the two choices.
Quitting Relationships
Toxic relationships are difficult and can cause immeasurable harm if you do not act. This can apply to your relationship with your friends, family and life partner (husband, wife, etc.)
Staying in a relationship that is harmful will destroy a person, and the damage is so difficult to measure because it happens slowly over time.
One day, you think, “Oh, things are fine. I must have just been in a bad mood or something.” The next week, you will be back to your miserable self.
Toxic people don’t have to be blatantly toxic, either. Sometimes things are just not a good fit. Friends, bosses, and significant others.
Quitting a job is one thing, but quitting a person in your life is VERY difficult. I believe both can cause equal damage if not managed right, though.
We only live once, so why sacrifice yourself for a great good if there is no greater good? It's probably because we’ve (I) watched too many movies. There is no greater good. The only greater good is getting what you want out of life at any cost.
Haste Vs Being Informed
I try to make informed decisions and avoid being rammy in my professional and personal life.
I make decisions all day at work, some of which carry significant risks. I use data but also my instinct to make these decisions. We live in a data-driven world where you can count on finding endless amounts of data for any subject. This causes more problems than it solves.
In a data-driven world, everyone thinks they are a data analyst. Nothing is further from the truth. In a data-driven world, millions of people think they know how to analyze data and make decisions. What it really does is drown people in options, cast doubt, and ultimately cause paralysis to the decision-maker.
I cast doubt on myself every day and have to balance my emotions to avoid being “rammy,” which can be considered too haste and decisive enough to avoid being paralyzed by the data. It’s a challenging balance which takes years to master (I am not here yet).
Make the call when the signs are there and you know the job is not for you. Don’t look back. Don’t ruminate over whether you would have been better off if you had stayed.
Teaching People How To Quit
How or when to quit is a skill that should be taught to everyone. You should never stay in a job that kills your soul or a relationship that prevents you from being yourself.
I worked in a job that I hated for almost fifteen years. I lived out of town and stayed in the job out of fear and humiliation. It killed me.
I consider myself somewhat successful, but sometimes, when I compare myself to others (I know I shouldn't do), I feel like I am so far behind I think I am in first place.
If I knew how to quit using informed decision-making skills and applying critical thinking, I would be in a better place. I would avoid worrying about what my family would have thought. I would avoid ruminating about the past, and I would avoid scaring myself about the future.
Living in the moment and doing what we think is right at the time is the best way to go. I can’t afford to continuously measure risks and avoid them. I want to slide into my coffin a shell of a man having used up all my HP (hit points for non-gamers), saying, “HOLY FUCK! NOW THAT WAS ONE HELL OF A TRIP!”
Ask yourself this.
- Are you happy?
- Are you doing what you want to be remembered for?
- Are you healthy?
- Are you afraid?
- Are you uncomfortable?
If the answer is yes, maybe you should quit. Not sure what it is you should quit? Look at your job, relationship, and lifestyle habits (drinking, eating, sleeping, etc.)
Quitting isn’t always bad, and it’s a critical life skill to learn to ensure it’s done right.
Ty
