The Four Types of Guests at Your Super Bowl Party, and Who to Invite Back
After hosting my first ever Super Bowl party, I have broken the types of guests into four main categories and giving my verdict on who gets an invite next year. Hopefully you can use this breakdown to help get yourself invited back to next year’s party.
The Human Wikipedia Page
I was going to name this person the human encyclopedia, but encyclopedias are respected and factual correct. On the other hand, the human wikipedia is almost never correct and somehow has information to share on everything. The human wikipedia made his way into my apartment’s party and his presence was immediately felt. His pregame analysis included a bold prediction of Ronald (not a typo) to win MVP.
The halftime show was interrupted as I was given a history lesson Anderson .Paak’s discography and how he was “the most recognizable drummer in the world”. I love a good fun fact but I don’t need a 4 hour history lesson on everything under the sun. And please don’t get me started on the 10 minutes following the Coinbase crypto commercial, lord have mercy.
After the game, some olympic coverage came on and to no ones surprise, the Human Wikipedia knew the history of bobsledding. The angles, the strategies, all of it. For someone who knows so much he had no idea that it was time to go over an hour after the game ended. After starting to clean around him and ask how late the train was running he finally got the idea.
Re-invited Verdict: Absolutely not
The Unhinged Prop-bettor
The Super Bowl is amateur hour for gamblers across the world and in the big game you can bet on anything under the sun. The prop-bettor has gone crazy before the game has even started and last Sunday he had made and lost a hundred dollars before kickoff. “Tails never fails” — well — failed (down $100). Mickey Guyton and her showmanship came to the rescue as her national anthem time shattered bookmaker’s predictions by 26 seconds (back up $100).
The prop bettor brings a chaotic energy that kept the entire party on their toes the whole night. Color of the gatorade shower, who the MVP thanks first, even number of time Cris Collingsworth used his signature phrase “now heres a guy…” Even in the event of a blowout Super Bowl, the prop bettor keep every play interesting with some sort of bet on the line.
Re-invited Verdict: Yes, and I’m betting with him too
Important Note: This is way different than the degenerate gambler who makes it all about themselves and can suck the air out of the room if things don’t go their way.
The Potluck Specialist
The Super Bowl is more than a football game, it’s about the halftime show, the commercials, and most importantly the food. A great spread can make or break a party, and most of that falls on the shoulders of the host (I made my Mom’s famous nachos), but a guest who bring their own food can turn a party from good to great. This year our specialist made up for the lack of parties last year and went all out. I’m talking buffalo chicken dip, cupcakes, pigs in blanket, the whole nine yards.
Our specialist left at halftime, but was my unanimous MVP of the party. The unsung hero. Everyone was well fed and as the host I got to reap the benefits of any leftovers. If you are planning any type of party for an event you need the potluck specialist. Their secrets are typically passed down for generations and the older they are the better. If you’re not sure whether you will be invited back to the next party, I guarantee a good dish can have you at the top of all invite lists.
Re-invited Verdict: Absolutely, first person invited
Non-sports Fan
It is perfectly OK to be this person at a Super Bowl party, the issue is that this person always lets the rest of the party know that they don’t know anything about football — and they don’t want to learn. Our talk about football was interrupted with questions about Euphoria and remarks about how boring the game was. I saw a tweet that summed it up perfectly.
Theres a reason why big events for people are called their “Super Bowl”, its the biggest day of the year in sports so please leave your distain at the door. If I come to your kid’s birthday party I will bring a gift and sing but I do not care as much as you think I do. The Super Bowl is my baby, and his birthday comes once a year — please sing.
Re-invited Verdict: Waitlist
Honorable Mentions
- High Guy: Baked out of his mind did not say one single world.
- Commercial Enthusiast: Silverado Sopranos was their favorite.
- Pop in: Came late made their rounds and left early.
P.S. If you are a Human Wikipedia please please try to be better.
