Know your Submissive

A deeper look into BDSM

Power exchange is at the heart of BDSM. In nearly all sexual encounters (scenes as they are known within the BDSM community) there is almost always one or more Dominant and one or more submissive (or tops and bottoms, whatever term you prefer). The submissive (bottom) gives up complete control and offers all of their power to the Dominant (top) in exchange for the most exquisite mental and physical release and rush. With all of that thrilling power the Dominants also receive a similar release and high. The power exchange is what makes BDSM so enticing.

Anyone who has ever studied or lived the BDSM lifestyle will tell you that communication and consent are at the foundation of a healthy, fun, and exciting BDSM exchange. Details of scenes must be talked about, discussed, negotiated and renegotiated as time goes by and as the needs and wants of the participants change and evolve. This is the optimal way to experience safe, sane, and consensual scenes.

The mental states that BDSM participants can experience are primarily known as subspace and domspace. Now, you don’t experience these mental states always and in every scene, but when and if it does happen it is exquisite and requires a deeper level of aftercare. Aftercare should always take place after an intense scene and it should be noted that everyone involved has varying needs for aftercare.

Knowing the submissive is the most important responsibility of the Dominant(s) in control of the scene. The submissive offers their entire physical and mental being to them. So, care must be exercised in order to not damage the submissive in a non consensual way. Both Dominants and submissives are participating for their pleasure. Whatever that may stem from they are there to derive some sort of satisfaction.

Submissives give permission to the Dominant to devour them mentally and physically, but the second they say their safe word the scene must stop completely. What people should keep in mind is that safe words are hardly ever “No” or “stop” because of the popularity of ravishment (rape) fantasies. In BDSM no doesn’t necessarily mean no if agreed upon. So, if submissives ever do get into touble and do get forced to do something sexual beyond their safe word, that is still most definitely a crime by the dominant(s) and a profound violation of their sacred responsibility to know and care for their submissive.

Trust and communication is the best recommended safety net for the submissive and it is vital that at least one of the Dominants in the scene have the submissive's best interests in mind, know their safe word and can be trusted to enforce and abide by it anytime it is said.

Consent can run a fine line and can become blurred, misunderstood, and even used against the submissive if things go too far and if something accidental or violent and non consensual happens. The violators can easily hide behind the veil of consent.

Submissives should be weary of playing with any Dominants that they don’t know and trust. Even if you know the Dominant well keep in mind that over 70% of rapes are committed by someone the victim knows, so trust should not be taken and given lightly. If the Dominant doesn’t take time to seriously ask the submissive intimate and personal things about their wants and needs well before the scenes, then they should not be trusted. It’s best if the submissive finds another Dominant that will take the time to get to know them, talk to them and really have their safety and wellbeing in mind. BDSM can be dangerous and the risk is part of the appeal. With this in mind know that safe, sane and consensual does not mitigate everything, especially not stupidity.

Dominants get to know your submissives and submissives get to know your Dominants. Do this and you’ll be well on your way to enjoying a pleasurable BDSM experience.