How to write something, no one wants to read

I write stuff no one wants to read and i’m glad about it. Attention is for others! Here is how i do it. A negative tip for perfectly positive outcome.


First step: “Hooray, i don’t care.”

The first thing you need to know is how not to care. Here is to now and here is how: You don’t need to keep working for hours. You just need to focus for several minutes and then make coffee.

You also could just hit the next bar, the park or some other funky place. No one needs focus for longer than approx. 3minutes. Get rid of that focus!

If you feel focussed, i have only one suggestion: Leave the spot where you’re at. It makes no sense for you and will make you focus even more if you stay. Leave it. Now.


Second step: “What is it, why is it and why you shouldn’t care”

If you really want to write stuff nobody wants to read, please do never skip this step. It is utterly important! You may not look up any writings, dossiers or scientific pieces of work.

Interrogation, investigation and learning about your subject is highly prohibited. Also you should not ask or get some opinions.

It. Does. Not. Matter. What. Others. Think.


Third step: “If you’re in the zone”

You may somehow get to that one point where you’re “in the zone”. Creative people always refer to that imaginary “zone” when they think they are most creative — even if they are really just goofing off.

Here is 5 tips to get rid of that “zone”:
1. Sleep. It’s always better than anything, really.
2. Eat your pen & paper.
3. Hammer + Computer = No computerized Zone
4. Drink inhumanly amounts of alcoholic beverages.
5. Call your mom/sister/girlfriend. She will know how to bring you down to the ground. This also works for women — you will not be able to work on something while talking for hours.


Fourth step: “Copy”

The best way to get people not to read your writings is to copy from others. If you manage to copy at least 5/6 of your work it will be discovered, probably by your worst enemy, who will rub it in your face — with a shovel — and no future reader will ever again want to read anything you wrote from that point on.

You’re free now. Thank me later.


Here is a distracting photo of Kenobi fighting Darth Vader on a toilet.


Fifth and final step: “Stop starting”

Don’t even start. Why start anyway, when there is nobody interested in your piece of work. Makes sense, right? Starting is losing.

If you manage not to start writing on something the possibility is, that you also never finish something anyone could ever read. So basically you don’t need to use step 1 to 4. That’s 4 steps skipped. You can be a master right away!

Let me wrap things up now.


Finish line

So the point of all this is… i’m off to the park. Cheers!

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