
Don’t Ask Me When The Wedding Is
I had a bold idea today.
Let’s stop asking people when they're getting married.
If they knew, don’t you think they would already be married, or maybe they’d be sharing that information openly? I would think so.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over three years and are very much in love. We know that marraige is in our future— we just have no blessed idea when. And while he is ok with not knowing quite yet, I consider it profoundly difficult.
I was raised thinking that I was going to excel at two things in life: (1) marrying young and (2) having children. That’s just what my family does, and so I thought I’d follow suit. If the rest of my family did it then I would too, right? Wrong.
Andrew and I started dating our sophomore year of college when we were both 19. I had it all mapped out. That year we would date and have fun. The next year it would get a little more serious and he would propose. Then right after graduation, we would get married and it would all work out. It’s the typical path for a Christian college couple. Oh, young Allana — how naive you were.
While things definitely became more serious as the relationship progressed, we still aren’t engaged — about two years behind my grand plan. Andrew graduated on time with his degree, while I’m graduating a semester late. And for a while, the fact that I’m about to be a college graduate without a fiance bothered me. The kind of bother that keeps you up at night and you wonder where you went wrong. What could I have done better? Did I pick the wrong person? Is this a sign I’m supposed to leave? The simple answer is: No.
I love Andrew and I am so grateful to have him as my boyfriend. He buys me food (who needs flowers when you could have fries?). He reminds me to eat my vegetables and drink water. He challenges me to do better when I’m slacking off, yet he’s also the first person to tell me how proud he is of me. He tells me he loves me and he acts it out. He shows affection. He takes me on fancy dates, and dates where we wear sweat pants and binge The Office. He does it all. So why do I question if he’s good for me?
Because society says we’re supposed to be married now. And since we aren’t something must be wrong.
I can’t wait to get married to Andrew. Creating a life with him will be one of the most meaningful, important aspects of my life, and that makes waiting much more difficult. Every time I see someone else get engaged I suddenly become more aware of the emptiness on my left hand.
So instead of asking me when he’ll propose, ask me how we’re doing. Ask how we’ve grown as a couple and as people because of our relationship. Ask what we like to do for fun. Ask if I’m happy. Ask me almost anything.
But please, just don’t ask when the wedding is.
