A drowning man is a poor Savior

Doug Stewart
Jun 6, 2017 · 4 min read

Have you ever had your heart broken? I have. It sucks.

Just last week, I was watching a video of Kyle Cease on YouTube and he said something that completely change my perspective.

No one has ever broken your heart, they have broken your expectations. -Kyle cease

Well dang. That sort of means I have to take some responsibility. Bummer.

It’s true though.

Every time I’ve been heartbroken it’s because I expected someone to be someone they either weren’t willing to be or weren’t able to be.

After watching the video, I wrote down three principles that I would like to apply more consistently in my own life:

No Covert Contracts. Ever.

Covert Contract: An agreement you make with someone without their knowing.

Most of the time when I feel like someone has wronged me, it’s because I’ve had an agreement with them (or an expectation of them) that I haven't told them about.

Do you realize how crazy that is? And yet, I find myself doing it all the time.

Then, even when they don’t know what the expectation is, I get offended when they don’t live up to it.

Covert contracts will ruin a relationship faster than any other thing.

Take nothing personal. Ever.

When someone does something to hurt me, I ask myself this one simple question,

If I was taken out of the situation and replaced with a different person who was similar to me would this person be acting the same way?

The answer is always yes. And it confirms that people’s reactions are less about me and more a manifestation of who they are or what they are going through. It’s not personal.

It’s so easy to get offended when someone snaps at you or treats you rudely but the truth is, we have no idea what they are going through. Maybe a recent death of a loved one, a divorce, or some other devastating news that’s impossible for them to process in that moment.

When someone lashes out, just remember, their behavior and their attitude is about them and doesn’t define who you are.

In fact, many times, bad behavior is a cry for help. It’s what happens when someone feels like life is drowning them. They become defensive and begin to fight to survive. We should be giving even more effort to be kind to those types of people. After all, we may be the only kindness they experience today.

Love Although. Always.

My mother-in-law has a funny saying,

You love some people because and you love other people although.

I’m pretty sure I’m the all though…

It’s a brilliant concept because it calls us (and requires us) to love even when we don’t have a good reason.

It reminds me of what Jesus taught in the New Testament when he said,

If you love those who love you, what reward will you have?

The sign of true love when you love someone who doesn’t deserve it.

So next time someone mistreats you, remember they are likely drowning in a sea of their own issues. And if they are, don’t expect much help from them.

A drowning person is only focusing on their own survival. Instead of being offended, throw a lifeline.

A smile, a kind word, or even a shoulder to lean on has the power to dramatically change a drowning person’s life.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I would be honored if you would ❤️ it and share it with a friend.

For more or to work with me, visit DougStewart919.com

To learn more about Dale Carnegie Training, visit DaleCarnegie.com or email me at Douglas.Stewart@DaleCarnegie.com.

You can also find me on YouTube HERE — Facebook HERE — Twitter HERE — or watch my TEDx Talk HERE.

Grammatical errors & misspellings complements of dyslexia : — )

Doug Stewart

Written by

Dale Carnegie instructor | TEDx Presenter | Coach | Podcaster | Storyteller — Lives in Raleigh, North Carolina

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