Am I The Real SpongeBob SquarePants?

In this age of narcissism, selfie sticks, personal devices, blogs and Trump, I want to throw something out there. I think I might be the original SpongeBob SquarePants.

The story begins back in 1991. I was finishing up Med School in Miami, Florida and living in an ocean front apartment on Lincoln Road. This was before South Beach was gentrified. My roommates and I we were able to secure a huge penthouse apartment for minimal rent. Then, the cat showed up. We found the stray living in the garage, took him in and affectionately named him, Gary. There was no reason why I chose the name except that it sounded UNIQUE.

Gary and I moved to Pittsburgh after graduation. It was there that I matched into a residency training program. Upon arrival to the new city, we moved into a small town house in the village of Shadyside. At that time, Pittsburgh was a pretty dull town. People were warmhearted and friendly, but restaurants and nightlife were lacking. Coming from South Beach, this was a major culture shock.

My social life back then revolved around house parties. During one event that fall, I met a guy named Patrick who, for all intents and purposes, was “the life of the party,” moving from room to room carrying a bottle of Ouzo. Patrick was a fun guy and we quickly became good friends.

In 1996, the animated TV show, Spongebob Squarepants first aired. I had lost touch with pop culture, lost deep into my studies. I would occasionally hear the SpongeBob giggle if and when I turned on the TV to channel surf. But, the first time I heard Gary, the pet snail, meow like a cat, my antenna went up.

Was this a coincidence? Or… was this some sort of ultimate payback for an inadvertent “Diss”?!

It’s true that I go by Rob and not Bob, but SpongeRob Squarepants doesn’t flow off the tongue as easily.

In case you’re curious about what happened to everyone, I’ll share a few details.

Patrick and I are still friends. He retired early, invested well, and is living the good life as a snowbird. I am slogging away with my career, writing on the side and helping raise two adolescent children. Gary was a great friend for many years, but vocalized his last meow in 2004. After waiting 10 years, we took in a zany kitten. We were initially tempted to name her needles, but after further consideration, decided on the name, Eunice.