African diaspora men and life choices

Reginald D. Hunter’s article reminds me of why I only had three African diaspora men in my international study of childfree-by-choice people of the African diaspora. Of the six men of the African diaspora who requested to be interviewed for my study, only three men were definitively and permanently childfree-by-choice. The other men said “if the woman wants it” and “never say never.”

I appreciate hearing Black men’s voices. Black men’s voices are rarely provided and rarely heard for such topics. Unfortunately, Reginald Hunter ends his piece with the phrase that is a pet peeve for many childfree-by-choice people such as myself: “never say never.”

“Never say never” has been the conclusion for many articles and conversations over the past years. Humans are quite predictable in using this phrase. But it still irks childfree-by-choice people such as myself.

Those of us living in societies with some freedoms and some access to reproductive freedom/choices/resources CAN say never for some things. We need to end the notion that humans are forever flying through clouds and our minds and lives are subject to “whatever happens”.

There are some things in life that require decisiveness — children are among them. Unlike trying a new food, realizing you don’t like the taste, and spitting it out, the same cannot be done with life choices such as having children — and also the complexities of legal marriage.

I understand “never say never” but I challenge the practical application of “never say never.” I also consider “never say never” to be a peace gift unintentionally (and sometimes intentionally) rooted in pronatalism. That is why “never say never” tends to be the conclusion for articles and discussions among adults who do not have children.

This will be discussed further at the October 2017 The NotMomSummit!