How to “Marie Kondo” Your Love Life

I’ve read the very popular book, ‘The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up’ by Marie Kondo. On New Years Day my husband, our two kids and I sat on the couch and watched all 8 episodes of Marie Kondo decluttering in her new Netflix series. Slowly, we started the magic art of tidying. It was satisfying to see what we loved and no longer needed. Her “KonMarie” method recommends that you ask whether the items in your life bring you joy and if not, you thank them, give them away and create space in your life and home. The process inspired me and as a Dating and Relationship coach, I considered how singles could declutter their love life to make it more joyful and intentional. Here are some thoughts:

Organize Your Closet to Feel Your Best:

Go through things you’ve been keeping for when you lose weight or clothes that no longer suit you. Only keep things that make you feel terrific. You’ll feel more confident, attractive and will be able to find what you have and love more easily. You can grab something that looks great when you have a date and will feel your best.

Organize Your House:

Although your date will probably take you out for quite a while before seeing your place, you want a love nest that feels welcoming, organized, that has positive energy and is relaxing. It doesn’t have to be showy or expensive but by surrounding yourself with things that bring you joy you’ll create a peaceful space that reflects you. When a date does come by, you’ ll feel ready to entertain them there and it will be easier to focus on each other rather than any distracting chaos or clutter.

Marie Kondo KonMarie Method

Clear away Old Betrayal & Losses:

Sometimes old emotional relationship baggage drags us down and makes us afraid to trust again. Perhaps this is time to forgive, create space and start over. You can decide to thank old lovers for any lessons learned and free yourself from replaying negative memories so you can focus on creating joy with the new person right before you.

Honor Your Priorities & Create a Place for Them in Your Life:

If finding a relationship is important to you but you’ve been a workaholic, resolve to set aside time each week to date, to meet people or to rite prospects online. Whatever you want to create takes effort, energy and time. Make sure that your values and desires are reflected in your actions. The sorting process makes it clear what you want and don’t. And if finding love sparks joy then you must be willing to do the work.

Do Things that Spark Joy:

It’s great to meet people while following your bliss so take a dance class, go to Paint Nite or join a book club. You’ll also be more interesting to dates when you’re doing the things that light you up.

Discern Where and With Whom to Invest Your Energy:

Dating is a process of discernment that is emotional. No date will be perfect and I always recommend that you give people a few chances but often after a few dates you can tell if it is someone you want to invest energy in. Be honest with yourself and with them if it’s a “no” and move on. Holding on to people who, “ don’t quite fit” prevents you from attracting your best match.

Put Love & Joy Into Your Self-Talk:

Begin feeding yourself positive messages to increase your self-worth, happiness, and self-esteem. You’re the only one who can do this from the inside-out and it will definitely impact how you show up on your dates and how you feel on a daily basis.

When you remove clutter, unwanted beliefs, people and energies it’s easy to focus on what you do want, who you are and to be your best self. When you’re clear what you love, you’ll often attract in the same.

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Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and author. She wrote the “Dating from the Inside Out” published by Atria Books and the upcoming book, “Facebook Dating: from 1st Date to Soulmate.” She has a private practice in Manhattan and does dating and Relationship coaching by phone. Learn more at




Psychologist, Relationship coach, podcast host of, ‘The Love Psychologist’ and author of ‘‘Dating from the Inside Out.’ @kpaulet

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Dr. Paulette Sherman

Dr. Paulette Sherman

Psychologist, Relationship coach, podcast host of, ‘The Love Psychologist’ and author of ‘‘Dating from the Inside Out.’ @kpaulet

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