Personalize Your Romantic Gift on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s day is soon approaching and it’s a good time to stop and show someone how much you care. I’ve been married 12 years but my favorite Valentine’s day was probably the second one with my husband before we got engaged. We spent the whole day together. He worked an overnight job as a social worker at the time and spent a few nights sketching my portrait from a photo he had. He wrote me a song and surprised me by singing it with his guitar. He bought me a diamond heart necklace and we went to Spa 88 and got massages and swam all day. Then we had brunch, went ice skating in Rockefeller Center and got frozen hot chocolates at Serendipity in NYC. Come to think of it, the date covered most of the love languages. I still remember it 12 years later and marvel at the free time we had before having two kids.

Part of dating or being in a long-term relationship is getting to know the other person, with successive levels of intimacy. Buying a gift can be a jumping off point and if you get it right, they will feel known and you’ll touch their heart! Here are a few things to consider:

Find Out Their Favorite Things:

Discover Their Love Language:

Create Part of It Yourself:

Stack the Deck: Make a Day of It:

Often we worry that we will pick the wrong gift, so why not diversify? At least one thing might hit the jackpot!

You can come up with a bunch of free things to do like a scavenger hunt or a theme day with a series of experiences. Try looking up New York Magazine’s Best of NY and tell them you will sample the cities best brunch, pizza, cannoli, hot chocolate, burger etcetera. They will like that you did your research. A popular complaint I get from single women is that the guy doesn’t plan anything so really thinking about it can set you apart.

Use Your Relationship as a Guide:

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and author. She wrote the “Dating from the Inside Out” published by Atria Books and the upcoming book, “Facebook Dating: from 1st Date to Soulmate.” She has a private practice in Manhattan and does dating and Relationship coaching by phone. Learn more at

Psychologist, Relationship coach, podcast host of, ‘The Love Psychologist’ and author of ‘‘Dating from the Inside Out.’ @kpaulet

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