The Fundamental Attribution Error and Parenting

There is a phenomenon in social psychology called the Fundamental Attribution Error. It refers to people’s tendency to overemphasize personality variables and underemphasize situational variables when explaining their successes versus those of other people. They do the opposite when it comes to their failures. For example:

“I got promoted because I’m a hard worker. My coworker didn’t get promoted because she is lazy.”

versus

“My coworker got promoted because her dad knows the boss. I didn’t get promoted because my kid was sick a lot this quarter and that made me late to work.”

The Fundamental Attribution Error is a natural cognitive tendency, so it takes work to spot it in your own judgments and see how it may be limiting your ability to empathize with others, including your kids and other parents. It makes you see yourself as better than you are, and stops you from situating your behavior in a more real context. Here are a few times the Fundamental Attribution Error sabotaged my thinking recently, and what a more objective interpretation would have been:

“My daughter is lazy. I cared a lot more about my schoolwork at her age because I am a harder worker.” CLOSER TO TRUTH–> “I was incredibly anxious and had very few competing activities as a child and no…