The Man Who Tries To Take Everything Off His Wife’s Plate (But She’s Still Unhappy)

I work with many men who are frustrated with their wives’ lack of affection and seeming unhappiness in the marriage. They feel that they do everything they possibly can to ease their wives’ burden, and despite this, they are not loved or prioritized. I am in no way talking about the popular caricature of the man who thinks he does a lot around the house but really just takes the trash out when asked. I am talking about men who do the emotional labor as well as the physical labor of the home, often much more than their wives do. Despite all of their efforts, their wives often grow more and more distant and distracted. (One example of how the woman often grows more distant, despite this reader not mentioning anything about household division of labor, is here.)

I consider this a version of Mr. Perfect and His Crazy Wife. The man in the couple is Type A, high achieving, and is a paragon of self-control. His wife likely struggles with depression, ADHD, substance abuse, and/or anxiety, seems fragile physically, and is less “in control” both emotionally and organizationally. Unlike the couple in that post, this man puts his wife on a pedestal and does not openly criticize her (or at least not often). He thinks she is beautiful and sexy and is very upset that she seems to be drifting away from him over the…