Saying “calm down” has probably never made anyone feel calm. — Imagine you’re faced with a really upset co-worker who’s just stormed into your workspace, sporting an angry scowl on his face. He’s wagging a finger at you, screaming loudly, “It’s not fair that Bob got the Turner account. I deserved that!” How do you respond to someone at work who’s expressing a lot of emotion? You might be tempted to say, “Calm down!”

How to respond when things don’t go your way — I recently learned a great question that’s reducing my need to complain or suffer, so I want to share it with you: “Do you really need to shoot the second arrow?” If you tend to get upset or disappointed when things don’t turn out as planned (especially if you complain, kvetch, whine, rage, or wish things were different) —…