How to turn seeing everything through a ‘death prism’ into something good
By Dr Sea — World expert at failing to save the world
This Medium Writers Challenge inspired me to go down a very long and winding journey examining the overwhelming impact that death had in my life. My traumatic upbringing, my culture, and my many experiences with death makes me view everything through what I call a ‘death prism’. In a way, this morbid and fatalistic way of viewing the world is almost soothing. Like having suicidal ideations, which I have had several times during depressive episodes, it makes me feel like there is always a way out. Even though it is final. And nihilistic. And more cynical than I might like.
As I was getting my soul crushed by academia during my depressive mid-20s, I disappeared into fiction and fantasy to help me get through. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and J.R.R. Tolkien’s oeuvres were the perfect fodder for someone with a world saviour complex. My ‘shadow PhD’ on Tolkien ultimately led me to my new life away from academia. The greatest thing that came out of stalking a stranger I’ve seen on a Lord of the Rings DVD extra to the end of the world was finding the real Middle Earth. Aotearoa New Zealand. A country I love with the fiery passion of a grateful immigrant — especially since COVID-19.
