Happiness

Where are you?

Until now I’ve been trying to find you. I almost found you many a time, sometimes, achieving a specific goal, sometimes getting admission in a graduate school, getting a sports bike, getting a bicycle, winning friends.

Almost all of my life I’ve sought happiness from other people, seeking their approvals, trying to be funny, making people laugh, watching people laugh on my jokes have always given me confidence and a sense of self-respect. Even in the lowest of times in my life, I have gained my dignity back just my mocking oneself in front of other people in a way that worst things can be thought of as funny as you want.

All this has somehow blurred my capabilities to coup up in the times where even I cannot come up with funny interpretations of given circumstances. Now I think I am at the lowest of my life. The most dreadful feeling could be that you have been wrong all the time, it gets worst when you were arrogant and proud enough to deny the norms although they seemed to be right, however, your arrogance and the will to be unique and different than others made you so blind that you kept walking the wrong road even you got the signs telling you that you are on the wrong path but, you were blind!

But my question is how and why I gained my vision back? The concept of being wrong itself is not that painful until you are adamant enough to reject everything but, what’s your will. The problem arises when you somehow become weak, this weakness opens up pores that start absorbing all the facts which you’ve ignored until now and as a result, you are nothing but a self-doubting piece of crap.

Now all your courage has gone and you just want to be free, from all the mess you have created but now when you try to figure things out, its long road and you are already exhausted and ashamed of returning.

The real courage comes here.