Advice on life, love, and everything in between.
Dear little bro,
I can remember like it was yesterday when our mom came into the living room and told our older sister Ashley and I that she was pregnant. I’ll be honest; I wasn’t too happy to hear the news. It wasn’t because I didn’t want you to be born, I just didn’t think mom was in the best mindset or place in her life to raise another child. I was wrong! Seven years, and she’s been the best mother to you than I could have ever imagined. You being born has been the most exciting part of my life and has given me new meaning to my role and responsibilities while being here on Earth. I didn’t grow up with my father or have an older brother as you do, so consider yourself to be blessed. Since I’m 16 years older than you, I felt that it was only right to give you 16 pieces of advice that you can always fall back on in life. I wish I had someone do this for me, so since I didn’t I owe this to you, here it is!
1. Always remember God:
You’re nothing without God, so let’s just get that out the way. He’s everything you think He is and so much more. Don’t forget to pray every day and ask for direction. “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord” Psalm 37:23, so don’t ever forget who’s in control. You’ll have low’s and high’s throughout life so remember that He’s always around and listening so submit yourself to Him and everything will take care of itself. He’s intentional, so everything is always for your good.
2. Be yourself:
We live in a world where everyone wants’s to be a carbon copy of someone else, and not many are willing to be bold and stand for what they believe. Only you know the real you so just embrace it and get better at being a better you. Don’t try and be something you’re not just to fit in. It’s better to stand alone being your real self then to stand with others being something you’re not.
3. Learn everything you can:
You’ll hear many people tell you in life that knowledge is power and they are right. Always be willing to learn and listen to those who are smarter, and even those who aren’t. I don’t care rather you decided to go to college or not, but I do care that you stay educated. Being a black man in this world will require a set of principals to get what you desire and deserve. Learn and understand them so that no one can cheat you out of anything in this world. Read everything you can and always be curious about the world around you. Become a learning animal and learn faster than everyone else. Smart people are sexy so stay sexy.
4. Give everything you have:
If you’re going to do something, then do it fully. Give 110% in everything or give nothing at all. Don’t waste time half doing something just to say you did it. Go hard every day and always be willing to work harder when times get rough. If you want to be the best, then you have to sacrifice everything you have to get there. Don’t let anyone tell you there are short cuts in life, they have been tried and tested, and they don’t exist. The only way is to work at it and gain it over time so give it all you have.
5. Be grateful:
Let grace be at the center of your heart. It’s God grace that we’re even here, and honestly, we don’t deserve it. Have thanks for everything and be happy that God picked you out of billions to be one who can lead nations and do amazing things. Give thanks to your parents for giving so much to provide you a better life than they had. Always say thank you for everything, people would kill to have a fraction of what you have so don’t take it granted.
6. Do what feels right:
You’ll learn over time what feels right and wrong as you begin to try new things. It’s important to trust your inner self and let that guide the choices you make. It’s okay to second guess yourself but most, if not all the time that inner voice is right, so it’s best to just go with it. You’ll be disappointed throughout life, and that’s okay, but if you do what feels right, it will make the disappointment easier to deal with.
7. Be kind:
Be as nice as you can to everyone who you come in contact with. Let your heart be filled with love even when everyone around you has hate in their own heart. Give when you can and don’t expect things in return. Love is God, and it’s a powerful emotion that we’ve been given to transfer between each other so give it as much as possible. There’s a difference between being kind and loving and being a pushover. Don’t allow someone to take your kindness for a weakness and know when to pull back and love from a distance.
8. Don’t give up:
There’s going to be a lot of hard times in life, but part of being a man is pushing through the pain. Pain makes the reward sweet. Don’t get caught up in instant gratitude but when faced with something different quick to give up. Build up some endurance and be prepared to fight long battles to get what you deserve. We live in a hard world where as a black man you have to work 2x as hard to get half of what someone else has, so be ready to keep pushing until the end.
9. Just decide and go for it:
Everything you do in life is a choice that you have to make. If you’re determined and decide to do something, then you’ll always win. You may not always get what you want, but learning from failures is powerful. Don’t let your peers influence what you truly desire in life. Be willing to walk alone if nobody else is ready to step with you. As the Nike slogan says “just do it!”
10. When you don’t know what to do, do nothing:
This is something that I’m still working on, so take this advice seriously. You won’t know what to do in every moment, and you’ll sometimes need to take a step back to go forward. It’s okay not to know, in fact, it’s best. When you don’t know what to do, let God guide your heart. Pray about it and let Him give you the direction you need to make your next move. Be quick to listen and slow to respond. It will save you tons of time and disappointments in life.
11. Be creative:
I notice that you like to draw and be creative, that’s powerful so keep it up. When I was your age, I would create buildings out of boxes from around the house. Mom hated it, but I didn’t care. I realize that allowed me to think in a different way than other people. Use your creative drive to build new things and better ways of doing something. Be thankful that you have that ability; some people wish they could draw a picture, let long create the next big thing. Don’t let others tell you that what you’ve created is stupid, block it because they don’t know better. Stay hungry for creativity and keep using your imagination to drive what you want to build.
12. Be respectful:
I want you to develop respect for everyone who’s around you. Respect your parents and humble yourself when they give you advice. I know you told me that you aren’t interested in girls right now, but I know that’s going to change. So respect their body, choices, and treat them how you want mom or Ashley treated. Be a gentleman and don’t let your feelings dictate your respect levels for someone, just walk away if you feel that’s best. More importantly, respect yourself more than anything. You can’t give what you don’t have, so give yourself the respect you deserve. Don’t ever compromise your dignity for a moment of joy. Hold your head up and require from others what you’ll give to them.
13. Keep your hopes high and your expectations low:
Nobody owes you anything in life, so don’t think you’ll get everything you want. Understanding this will allow you to keep moving through disappointment with a positive mindset. People will let you down throughout life, and that’s okay. Use those times to understand yourself better and adjust your choices so the next time you can be better. Disappointment is meant to teach, and you always want to stay learning so embrace and don’t deny it.
14. Do what you love:
Don’t spend your life doing what people tell you is best. Only you and God know what’s best for you. Pick something that makes you happy and that you get excited for. You may never decide to go into business like Ashley and me, and that’s okay. Try new things and find the sweet spot that makes you happy. Don’t do things for money, do what you love and money will follow. It’s okay not to know what you want to do; you have lots of time to think about it. Just make sure you’re happy enough to do it to your fullest.
15. Don’t be afraid to ask for help:
A lot of people look at those who ask for help as being weak, don’t listen to that. Being able to know when to call for help, is the sign of a mature person. Be willing to give your best effort first, and then ask for help. Things will get hard, and your first response will mostly be to ask for help but stop and think about it. You’ll almost always know enough to get started in anything, but when in doubt trust yourself and learn to ask good questions. Everyone doesn’t want to see you do well, so watch out when it comes to asking for help. Only go to those who truly have your best intentions in mind.
16. Build the future you want:
This piece of advice is something I wish I knew when I was your age. The world is large, and there are many problems for you to solve so go after the hard ones. Go after the problems that require the most attention, the smartest minds, but the biggest reward. Use the world as your canvas to create the future that you want for your kids and the generations that will stand behind you. Build new technology and processes for solving complex problems. Don’t shy away from the hard work but run towards it with an open mind and the willingness to give it your best shot. It’s okay to fail at this, in fact, fail fast. Failing fast allows you to create faster and better because you have test cases that you know for sure won’t work. Don’t sit around and wait for somebody to come along and do something that you can do. Dream bold and stand for the change you want to see. Have a loud voice in this world; you’ll need it to be heard to make a change. Think from base principles and build from zero to one, don’t copy, create new things.
I hope you take this advice and allow it to guide you through life. Use these in the best and worst times and remember that life is about trying and learning. Either you’re winning, or you’re learning, failure only happens when you stop working. I owe you more than you’ll ever owe me and I accept the challenges and responsibilities that come with having a little brother. I’m committed to helping you become your best self. Don’t ever think you’re better than anyone or too good to do something. Do the low-level jobs in life, so you will appreciate the reward of living like a king. Remain humble and don’t let your ego be your GPS in life. The only person you’re better than is me, so use what I say and go further. You have the chance to do amazing things that are beyond my reach so do it. I owe it to you to spend my life making the world better for you and your generation. I owe you the ability to live in a world where you can make a change and go after whatever you want. I owe you the opportunity to build new technology and only have to come to me for funding. I owe you the world where you won’t have to worry about the environment, diseases, or trivial things. I promise to give you my best and to spend my days fighting the real issues that will provide you the best shot at the life you want. I commit myself to building a better future for you. Life is hard man, but it’s not impossible, so give it everything you have. If you don’t remember anything, I ever tell you, just know who God is, and He will take it from there. I love you with everything that I am and everything that I could ever become. You’re 16x better than me, so don’t copy me. Take what I say and let it guide you through the funnel of life. The last thing, take care of yourself, from your mind to your body. Put yourself first, eat right, and don’t consume the silly stuff of this world. Hold your head up and be proud to be a black man in this world. You have so much to get done so start now and just do it. Stay hungry and stay foolish. Remember that anything in life worth doing is worth overdoing, make me proud and change the world with your crazy ideas.
D’Andre
