Random 1.

“And it hurts but I will never show it

The Pain is overflowing

Cup runneth over

Frost bite in both my shoulders

Hope jumped out the window

Landed down on ten toes…”

Truth be told, I have reached a point in my life where I am lonelier now, more than ever. Stuck chasing a woman, the same woman who initially took my heart, and tore it in two; now another outsider picked up the pieces, dusted them, off, then proceeded to trample them. Trust does not come easy. Love is not any easier. For someone who once never showed any emotion, escaping the terrors of being left vulnerable sucks. Back against the wall as if nobody understands me. My sense of self is lost beyond the lies, low self esteem, and self diagnosed anxiety. Recognized my self worth but too unconfident to stand up. Mentally too weak to disregard the negative criticism, starving for the attention I get obese from slander. Self diagnosed anxiety quietly poking and prodding collapsing my air cavities dammit I can’t breathe. Never have I ever liked labels. Everyone has anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. Do I? Nah. That scape goat is too easy, and if I do seriously have any of the life deterrents, fuck it. Life was never meant to be easy, even for the rich and famous, so why would I allow myself to become weakened by its daily pressures which include: love, lust, purpose, and faith. My race is not over..not yet.

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