Disabled in Trump’s America: Why it’s so Personal
Every disabled person knows this but when you’re growing up, it’s inevitable that sooner or later some lizard brained prick is going to publicly humiliate you. And that it will probably happen more than once.
What does this have to do with politics you’re asking me. Until this year, I could safely say not much.
And then, the presidential candidate of the Republican party got up on a stage and did this
The reporter Trump is waving his arms to imitate there is a man named Serge Kovaleski. He suffers from Arthgryposis, a condition afflicting its sufferers from birth with involuntary contractions of the joints. That’s when for me this election became heart breakingly real.
The lizard brained jerk from high school was unbelievable close to becoming the leader of my country.
This of course wasn’t enough. As the campaign continued, Trump widened his circle of insults and humiliation to include almost every individual that was unlike himself in any conceivable way.
I know we all live in glass houses. I admit, I am a person who’s words can cut. It’s one of my greatest personal failings. The greatest regrets of my life are the times I’ve used my words to hurt other people. And sometimes, I’ve not even known I was doing it.
I’ve had to learn to swallow my pride and offer many an unconditional apology. And I surely haven’t apologized enough. But I like to think when called to the carpet I’ll look you in the eye and do the right thing. But Trump has denied those he’s publicly humiliated even that.
In a moment worthy of a George Orwell political satire, when asked about the incident, Trump simply denied it. He must’ve known that video of him doing it had been broadcast to millions of people and he still had no problem pretending that it never happened.
So it subconsciously became my hope that one of his opponents would clobber him.
My greatest hope on election day was not that Hilary would win. My hope was that she would crush Donald Trump. That a visceral and full throated rejection of this man would make even the whisper of nominating such a person again impossible in my lifetime.
The day after the election, I stood dumbfounded trying not to scream while a friend asserted the equivalent nastiness of Clinton and Trump. And when he started into the emails, I cut him off exclaiming, “dude, I’m a disabled person!” Not the most elegant expression of feelings, I know.
What I meant was, how can you use this matter of papers and bits as a counterweight to me, a living breathing human being standing right in front of you? It felt like someone telling me that a handful of papers and a life of political indiscretion were the 30 pieces of silver I was worth.
That’s the first time in my adult life that I felt, “this person fundamentally doesn’t understand me.” For all their good nature and friendliness, there is a wall between us. And I’ve never felt like that before. For years I’ve struggled to take as little accommodation as possible. I’ve tried very hard to make you all go out of your way as little as possible to make things work for me. And I thought, the reverse side of that pact was that no matter what you all had my back. That you understood how different my life must be. But my faith in that pact has been irretrievably broken. For the first time in my life I feel like a minority in this country.
And all I can say to those of who have felt this way for years, I am so sorry that I haven’t done more to somehow help you. Because even after a childhood of upheaval, rife with feelings of confusion and unwantedness, this is the worst thing I’ve felt in my life.
Now, I’m clinging by the tips of my fingers to the notion that a good deal of you are terribly thoughtless because the only other options I see is that you’re terrifyingly apathetic or malicious.
For me, that’s what makes this election such a bitter pill that I may never be able to swallow.
PS. I know this was a pretty self indulgent piece and there are many disabled people in the country who will be much worse off than myself with an all Republican government. Especially since many of the programs disabled people rely on aren’t set apart, they’re the same broad based programs Paul Ryan’s budget has been targeting for years.
So once all my facts and figures are in order, I’ll be writing a follow up piece about the toll this may have on every day disabled Americans.
