Stop say “ I can understand ” ,because you will never understand

Yi-Jou Huang
Aug 31, 2018 · 2 min read

As someone — — maybe your teacher, your family, or your friend — — replied you “ I can understand. ” when you shared your sorrow or worries, how did you feel?

I would be touched, but at the same time, a confusion also emerged in my mind: “ Why can you be sure you can understand? ”

Stop answer another “ I can understand. ”, even though you had ever experienced same event or emotion.

Indeed, as someone talks his/her worry or unhappy experience, some of them are susceptible and touch-and-go. It’s because when a person who displays the weakness, it also represents he/she puts down the protection of heart, and believes you are a trusty person that converses with you can make he/she feel better. Before you answer, there was just a “view” in their mind; and then they will obtain results if you are truly could be believed based on your answer.

At this time, “ I can understand.” is not the best and suitable reply. There are many differences between the life of two; they enjoyed different childhoods, their family,friends,experiences and living environment made them learning and using their own way to face the life. For the same event — — for example: “ You found your friend spoke ill of you behind your back. ” — — it’s maybe just a dust in your mind — — a bad news, it’s a pity that you lose one of sisters or brothers, but never mind, you still have others and you believe you can meet another one. But for him/her, maybe he/she is shy and doesn’t have many friends, or he/she used many time and energy to business their friendship, this find not only means the broke of friendship, but also gainsays the great effort to the latter.

Thus, you should do these behaviors:

1.Stop answer “ I can understand. ” but “ I know. ”

“ Understand ” is meaning that you can feel how the other one feeling and experiencing.

“ Know ” is meaning that you see or listen to him/her describes the situation and feeling, and then you answer:“ I know. ” — — you know they are sorrow, angry, or troublesome.

2.Always remember: You will never can imagine others’ feeling.

Besides replying “ I know. ”, you can also say “ …but don’t forget, I am (we are) always standing here, you can turn around and find me (us) forever. ”

Change your answer, and then change others’ life.

Yi-Jou Huang

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Living in Taiwan,love Music,Art,Literature and Language.Keep curious about everything.English isn’t my native language, but I try my best to write every article