99(nee 100) Facts About Fantasy Football

If you’ve been active on Fantasy Twitter in the last 72 hours or so you might have seen a little dustup between some industry heavyweights over what is perceived intellectual property. We here at DFF couldn’t pass up the chance to have a little fun with it. We mean no disrespect to any of the parties involved. We hope this lightens things a bit for everyone.

99 Facts

  1. Bill Belichick is actually an alien.
  2. Dolphins can swim at over 20 mph. Jay Ajayi is a Dolphin.
  3. Drew Brees plays better indoors as he is allergic to weather.
  4. A football will “more likely than not” lose air pressure in cold weather…
  5. Kim Jong-Un is the all-time leading rusher in the NFL with 200,000 yards in 3 seasons… apparently.
  6. No one has ever seen Cam Newton and JaMarcus Russell in the same room at the same time.
  7. Marshawn Lynch secretly prefers Reece’s Pieces to Skittles.
  8. Rudy was NOT based on a true story.
  9. Every division in the NFL shockingly has gone .500 against itself.
  10. Snoop Dog tried to buy the Browns from Jimmy Haslam, but Haslam balked when he found out the proposed name change was “The Brizzowns.”
  11. During the 80s, the Cincinnati Bengals entertained changing their mascot from a tiger to the all-girl band of the same name & wanted to host 8 Monday night football games called “Manic Mondays.”
  12. Moritz Boehringer wrote a book about pre-season training with the Vikings, he called it Mini Kampf.
  13. Teams that wear green went 22–26 last season.
  14. Joe Paterno is still alive.
  15. So there’s this badass running back; however, his name is spelled “Christine…” Nobody listened.
  16. NFL jerseys originally had zippers up the back, like dresses.
  17. The Chicago Bears genuinely thought it was a good idea to take Mitch Trubisky and Kevin White with the third and seventh pics, respectively.
  18. Every Super Bowl in history was won by the team that scored the most points.
  19. To quote Ric Flair, “If you wanna be the man you gotta beat the man!” If the Lombardi Trophy carried over into the regular season and was passed on like the WWE championship belt after each match, the championship lineage in 2016 would have gone: Denver, Atlanta, Seattle, New Orleans, Denver, Kansas City, Tennessee, Jacksonville and Indianapolis.
  20. Josh Gordon is likely high (on life) somewhere right now.
  21. Marshawn Lynch comes out of retirement, and the Fantasy Football community loses its mind. If Paul Hornung came out of retirement, nobody would bat an eye.
  22. Barry Sanders actually retired because a member of the training staff would tickle his feet when he wrapped his ankles. He was too embarrassed to tell anyone.
  23. Gronkowski is actually pronounced Grown-Kew-Skee.
  24. Randy Moss smoked a ton of weed.
  25. If you visit the intake unit of Cincinnati’s local jail, you’ll see a Bengals Ring of Honor around the ceiling.
  26. If you looked at Don King’s Wikipedia page, you’re basically reading Roger Goodell’s, except Goodell has killed more people.
  27. The Browns lil “Brownie” elf thing from the 60’s would be the coolest logo in the NFL if they would just use the damn thing. Instead, their logo is just a helmet.
  28. We ordered China food last weekend. The delivery guy said his name was Eddie Lacy.
  29. Any player who wears jersey number 69, still cracks an immature smile every time he slips the jersey on.
  30. The reason the Browns have been absent since 1995 is that they have been masquerading as the Baltimore Ravens.
  31. Vinny Testaverde is only 1% Italian.
  32. Jim Caldwell loves pickles.
  33. The Philadelphia Eagles have the only logo that faces to the left. And they only do it so the stupid feathers can make an “E” shape. Ya know, for “Eagles” as if the actual Eagle head wasn’t enough.
  34. Megatron wanted to be called Optimus Prime.
  35. The Green Bay Packers have the most NFL titles (13). Jeff Janis has none.
  36. Manti Te’o’s girlfriend really existed. But she was Mama June from Honey Boo Boo, and he was just too ashamed to admit it.
  37. In 1995, Super Bowl XXIX MVP Steve Young mistakenly announced “I’m going to Disneyland” not “Disney World.” Boy, I bet he was embarrassed.
  38. Omaha…is somewhere in middle America.
  39. Manti Te’o likes boating. He also enjoys angling. However, one thing he refuses to take part in is catfishing.
  40. In the 1980’s, former NFL coach and broadcaster John Madden was big into the heavy metal scene. So much so, that he made those around him refer to him as “Iron Madden.”
  41. Eli Manning hates Peyton. And Cooper Manning really hates them both.
  42. Despite rumors to the contrary, Ezekiel Elliott is a leg man.
  43. Twitter was invented by the government to embarrass NFL draft picks on draft day by digging through their tweet history to find inappropriate tweets.
  44. Jerry Rice was born in the Dominican Republic; his given birth name was Geraldo Arroz.
  45. For years, the Washington Redskins front office didn’t have any clue why people were offended by the term “Washington.”
  46. Contrary to popular belief, Robert Turbin actually wears baseball caps.
  47. Andy Reid used to weigh 145 pounds.
  48. For some inexplicable reason, both the Rams and Chargers thought it would be a good idea to simultaneously relocate to the only North American market that has repeatedly shown an inability to support a single pro football team.
  49. Russell Wilson’s Twitter handle is @dangeRuss. Yup.
  50. The Bengals have been in touch with Rae Carruth’s agent & have a physical set up pending his release. At worst he can set an example for the younger guys.
  51. Texans head coach Bill O’Brien has an assistant on payroll to help him shave his chin.
  52. Ben Watson is 5 years older than Sean McVay and 14 years younger than Jeff Fisher.
  53. Mean Joe Greene originally wanted to be known as Gentleman Joe but found no one was ever intimidated by that.
  54. The Chargers’ baby blue uniform is incredible.
  55. The Raiders will be divided between three different cities…Oakland, Los Angeles, and Las Vegas.
  56. Quarterback spelled backwards is kcabretrauq.
  57. Samaje Perine weighs 5 more pounds than Fat Rob.
  58. Buddy Ryan is turning over in his grave. His kids suck.
  59. “Ravens” was the second choice of team names when the Browns relocated, but the NFL owners voted down the Baltimore Poes.
  60. Laquon Treadwell.
  61. If you took away every good play he was ever involved in, Brett Favre was terrible.
  62. Trent Richardson. Not even worth one of the two wasted first round picks. Speaking of wasted, you ever seen his wife? Neither has T-Rich. Cuz he has no vision.
  63. In an emergency, punters can kick, and kickers can punt. Mind Blown.
  64. The movie ‘Draft Day’ was actually a documentary.
  65. The United Kingdom has threatened to declare war if they keep having to host the Jaguars and have them pushed upon them as their “home team.”
  66. Wood’nt you know… There are 14 current NFL players with “Wood” in their name.
  67. The Canadian Football League actually plays 37% of their games in Mexico.
  68. The New York Giants have the shortest average height roster in the NFL.
  69. Not many people know it, but Adam Jones is known as Pac Man is not because of the INTs, but because he’s haunted by the ghosts of all he’s killed.
  70. Dat Nguyen was the first Vietnamese NFL player. He was also the worst Vietnamese NFL player.
  71. C.J. Prosise is also pro-spinach, pro-gun and pro-life.
  72. The Chicago Bears used to be called the Decatur Staleys which is really stupid.
  73. It is against stadium policy to bring arrowheads into Arrowhead Stadium.
  74. Every single team in the NFL — Every. Single. One. — has both a home and road jersey.
  75. Ed “Too Tall” Jones was in fact not too tall.
  76. The Honey Badger is a real animal.
  77. Thursday night football sucks (excluding Thanksgiving).
  78. The closest comps for Bishop Sankey: Sasquatch, Nessie and El Chupacabra.
  79. Before his career at Taco Bell, Dorial Green-Beckham used to play football.
  80. IDP is the STD of Fantasy Football.
  81. There are 2 different species of Tiger in the Cincinnati Zoo. Neither of which is a Bengal.
  82. Players that wear the number 99 have the highest number on the team.
  83. A “bill” is not a real thing. What has Buffalo been thinking all of these years?
  84. Raiders owner Mark Davis still drives a 1997 Dodge Grand Caravan.
  85. Ocho Cinco means eight five, not 85. Duh.
  86. Tim Tebow was the anonymous source who paid Cam Newton’s father.
  87. The Warriors blew a 3–1 lead.
  88. Tom Brady was a 6th round draft pick. Who knew?
  89. “Very few players love football.” Even fewer admit it, Jordan Cameron.
  90. Don Beebe had teased the under up to 70 with a local bookie just before kickoff in Super Bowl XXVII.
  91. Studies show that if Maxx Williams’ name had one more “X”, fantasy owners would be 3x’s more excited about him.
  92. Russell Wilson is rumored to have framed Aaron Hernandez for his own crimes.
  93. There are more facts on this list than Ty Montgomery had carries in 2016.
  94. Nobody over 35 years of age enjoys the color rush uniforms.
  95. The San Francisco 49ers’ home games are actually an hour outside of San Francisco
  96. Ryan Tannehill is really a wide receiver.
  97. Baylor has more players in America’s correctional institutions than in the NFL.
  98. During the commercial breaks Joe Buck regularly verbally abuses Troy Aikman.
  99. Mike Vick wanted to come out of retirement just to play alongside Ishmael Zamora for one game.

Originally published at dynastyfootballfactory.com on July 5, 2017.