How to have a successful blended family Christmas
The holiday season is a stressful time for many families, but even more so for blended ones. My husband and I have three children. Our oldest (his son) is with us on weekends, our middle (my son) is with us full time and our baby is all ours. If you find it difficult to maneuver between two families wishes over the holidays, try four, and twice as many grandparents. The odds are stacked against you from the start. Here are my four tips on how to make the most of your holidays:
It’s all about the kids
Their grandparents have had their children. Ideally everyone will spend the holidays together, but it shouldn’t be to the detriment of your kids to make it work. Our first few years as a family consisted of running from house to house trying to relive traditions of our childhood family units. It didn’t work. Not because it is impossible to be in two places at once, but because our children hated it. There is nothing worse for a child on Christmas morning than opening their presents and being told to leave them at home because its time to go do it two more times. By the end of the day you have very unhappy children, gifts have started to lose their meaning, and the importance of quality family time is lost to quantity. This leads to overwhelmed, whiny children.
The time and date of your celebration is irrelevant
This becomes so important when you don’t always have your kids at the same time. We coordinate with their other parents so we have both our older boys together one year and away the next. We celebrate birthdays, Christmases and every other type of holiday when we can all be together. When my stepson arrives, it’s go time. We drop the chores and everything else and start creating memories that count. Every time. When your entire family is only together twice a month you learn how to make the most of it. At Christmas time we try to coordinate the boy’s arrivals home for the same day and time. They walk in to a packed tree and their families ready to celebrate with them. Anyone who shows up to our house on this day is greeted by little boys just as excited as they were Christmas morning to celebrate with us.
Choose the best traditions and make some of your own
Now it’s time to sit down with your significant other and compromise. This can be one of the hardest parts. My husband and I try to put our own feelings aside and think about what will be most enjoyable for our (immediate) family. My Christmas vacation highlights were always sledding, building snow forts, seeing the tree packed with presents Christmas morning, and the big breakfast that followed. Instead of running from house to house trying to recreate that with grumpy kids in tow, do it yourself. We each took the best of our childhood memories and decided to carry those traditions (along with some new ones of our own) into our children’s holidays. We have an open-door and all our extended families are invited, but we do all the things we want, when we want, in our own home. This keeps our children relaxed and happy in a place where they are comfortable (and it’s much easier with a baby).
Rise above
It’s hard to become an independent family unit. Your loved ones don’t always understand how much pressure there can be on the holidays, especially if they have a more traditional family. I have found that the best way to deal with this is to be as inviting as possible, but stand up for your family. What you’re really accomplishing is standing up for your kids. At the point we reached with the variety of family obligations it was necessary to step back, work up some courage, and say no. We welcome everyone to come enjoy the holidays with us and our children, but we stand firmly in our own home, and do our best to create the memories our children deserve.
I truly believe the best way to have a successful holiday season is to do what you already do every single day as a mother, put your kids first. I promise you won’t regret it, and one day they may even thank you for it.
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