Divorces in New Jersey
The popular belief is that a divorce has to be a horrible experience that involves nasty fights and broken relationships between family members. When going through a divorce, the process is a stressful and extremely emotional needless to say. The goal should be to manage these factors so that it can be a bit more of a smooth and civil process. Unfortunately in many cases however, outlandish behavior caused by these strong emotions cause children to get caught in the crossfire of the parents. This process deeply affects them as well. After all, it is never a positive thing to see your parents so upset with each other. This can be the cause of serious emotional turmoil for them. Especially if child custody or child support are involved in the negotiations.
There are many ways try and make sure that the process does not reach a point where it is a horrific experience for the family. Whenever I work on these cases, my goal is to make it as child friendly as possible. There are three ways to handle divorce proceedings to ensure the process is as easy as possible for the them.
The first step is to agree that all conversations be civil. Any communication throughout the divorce process needs to be calm and collected. There will be some tough topics to cover, but the goal should be to conduct them professionally without yelling and nasty words. This will not be easy by any means, but it will really help the children to not see their parents engaged in hostile conversations.
Secondly, couples should do keep the best interest of their children in mind. I have witnessed parents in a divorce use parenting time and financial support as leverage for their own benefit. In other words, they are using their kids as a manipulative tool. “I won’t tell the kids you cheated if I get more time with them than you,” or “You pay more child support or I’ll make sure our daughter knows you’re the reason she isn’t going to ballet anymore.” These are things I have heard clients say. It is not a healthy method of negotiation by any means.
Lastly, parents should acknowledge the fact that it is healthy for their child or children to have a relationship with both parents unless the circumstances are extremely violent or abusive. Negative feelings should not be the reason for a child to see their parent.
I realize this all sounds well and good, but as I have stated before, it will be tough to accomplish this. During a divorce, it is not uncommon slip at times, and that is perfectly natural. No one is prefect. When it happens though, it is important to apologize both to yourself and across the table.