I was happy to upvote this article for content, Caitlin, but I wonder why you have to dilute your message with hyperbole and pointless cursing. You already have the chops to qualify as a high-end professional journalist … the real thing, not the WaPo/NPR/NYT kind of gonif. It is completely unnecessary for you to do all those STFUs.
Stick with the truth, along with your enthusiasm, energy, and prodigious writing talent. Leave the garbage for lesser scribblers.