If You’re Not Happy, Do Something About It.
Two years ago, I was a freshman in high school.
I remember, in that December, I was fairly depressed. I was depressed because I didn’t feel like the friends I had were really my friends.. I remember feeling so misunderstood and so alone despite the fact that there were people all around me.
I remember crying on the car rides home, and not understanding what was wrong every goddamn time.. I remember not being able to sleep, and so I would play Oh Wonder songs just to cope.
Don’t get me wrong.. I wasn’t severely depressed, or mentally unstable… I was just sad:
Sad because I felt alone.. Sad because I realized that I was only hanging out with people just to fit in; just to be perceived as normal…
It was around this time when I just wanted to leave high school. I was done.
Socially, everything was amazing.. I had friends, and I was allowed the ability to socialize with so many people… BUT, friends didn’t really do it for me.
I was still unhappy.
Looking back, I think I just held extremely high expectations for finding friendships that meant something; friendships with like-minded, and meaningful people.
In high school, you honestly can’t do that. Most students, at my high school at least, only cared about makeup, sex, drugs, and their image; they cared about every superficial thing rather than their academics or their future.
Me? I’d like to think I was different.
Ever since I was in eighth grade, I have consistently found hope and joy by simply watching the lives of popular social media influencers on YouTube. As I watch all the vlogs that these social media stars publish, I realize that I want my life to be just as wild, just as crazy, and just as happy and successful.
Last year, I was a sophomore in high school.
I remember, in this particular December, that my world was falling apart. Throughout December, and the months prior, I was slowly losing my real friends. The friends that meant something to me..
These friends may have not been as like minded as I would have wanted, but they were among the best people I’ll ever have the pleasure of meeting.
Regardless, this time my social world was jumbling up. My friends started acting up. I started acting up. In the end, friendships broke, and to this day I still have yet to rekindle them.
Anyway, at this point, my single reason for staying in high school wasn’t good enough anymore. The education was trash and very ill organized. Then, now, my social world had no longer adequately compensated for anything.
At this time, my life was overly saturated with negativity.. self-concocted negativity. I started to feel like I was wasting life. I was bored and saddened because I was just living. In my eyes, it was the equivalent of watching the world go by while my body in paralysis. I can’t do anything of meaning — to my standards.
Ordinary practices and activities angered me or flustered me. At this point, I admitted to myself that I was unhappy. I stopped doubting the unhappiness and loneliness I felt.
From that day forward, I was determined to be happy again. That day, I embraced the advice that has constantly been promoted by admirable social media stars:
If you’re unhappy, take yourself out of the situation. Figure out why you’re unhappy, and change it.
So, how did I take that?
Well, I thought about it. What’s the situation? and what’s making me unhappy?
The answer? School..
Now, I assure you that’s not your typical high school student response, “Oh yeah, high school is so lame. I want out. I’d rather sleep.” The difference is that I actually had ambitions I wanted to achieve. I know what I want from my life, and, unlike my peers, I’m motivated to do what I need to do.
If leaving school and skipping to college was the thing I had to do, then I did it with no regrets.
( Related Reading: CHSPE: Why I Decided To Leave High School at 15)
As of last Thursday, I had just finished my first semester of college. Let me tell you, this past 6 months could not have gone by faster! I am much more happier than I could ever be.
In college, there’s significantly much less drama and judgement. Despite my being alone a lot, I don’t feel alone. I still talk to my friends, and I still hang out with few every now and then.
Overall, I’m just happy. I don’t get excessively sad, or sad at all, honestly.
And to my surprise, I don’t think much about my high school. I don’t get nostalgic, and think about what could have been. It’s weird, but I’m not going to question it.
So, if anyone is depressed or overly saddened right now, then I hope you do something about it before it turns into a serious mental disorder like depression.
For me, it wasn’t easy to make the decision of leaving high school. It was fairly risky because of all the potential consequences (imagine all the possibilities of not having a traditional diploma)
Sometimes doing what’s best for you will be difficult. You just have to know what you want. If you don’t know what you want or what’s making you upset, then you need to sit down and reflect. Stop holding back the things you don’t want to admit.
Thank you for reading :)