Steve Harvey has gone too far.

This man made love to my woman and to yours probably as well.

The Eagle Shield

Look, I’ve just about had it with Steve Harvey.

We know that he is wise, tall, and just darn funny. We have seen his mustache and teeth appear on over one billion buses worldwide. In the history of our planet, there has been no person with the influence and power that Mr. Harvey wields. Yet, he is a villain.

In these troubled times, it is the responsibility of men of his stature to smooth the fabric of our nation, but it seems Mr. Harvey would rather add a shitload of buttons to said fabric than have his housekeeper get it dry cleaned (Note to editor: Please assist with this metaphor.).

His program, The Family Feud, pits great American families against one another in a battle of sexually suggestive fill-in-the-blanks that, frankly, I’m just not going to hear in my home, whether my niece, Breckley, is home from college or not. This show is Harvey’s twisted, left-leaning plaything. With each buzzing, he humiliates fathers in front of their children and fondles wives in front of their husbands, bringing out each contestant’s lasciviousness and jealousy.

Exhibit A:

This woman left her family.

The anti-family carnage recently reached my own life when my ex-wife Darci was a guest on the program. Darci and I were in the process of reconciling — I had just given her an at-home pedicure that morning — until my baby ran across Steve Harvey. See how Harvey sexually arouses my sweetness by shaming her 100% reasonable and adequate response:

See how my beloved quivers with fear and desire? He has negged her into dampness.

Notice how Manny, an innocent bystander, fake laughs out of fear of what Mr. Harvey will do to him if he does not? I will hear “Gerbil, gerbil, gerbil, gerbil…” in my dreams until I die.

It is unholy. And it does not stop there. The following is a message I received from Darci’s phone that afternoon:

Yes, you read that correctly. My ex-wife, the mother of three of my nine stepchildren, had boat sex with Steve Harvey.

Get with it, America. This man has torn countless marriages asunder and, unless we do something, he won’t stop until Nick Cannon probably gets his job in about 8 years.

The Eagle Shield

Written by

A blog founded by Buck Crimshaw, 30-year veteran of news punditry and the official thought pope of The American Way. ***SATIRE*** Written by Nick Matthews.

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