249 lbs and pressing on…

This would be day 20 now. It’s been kinda rough going lately. The cravings have kinda plateaued going into week 3. They’re not really getting better anymore. While they’re not as bad as they were, at the same time, my fortitude has been waning. Every day, the persistent hunger seems harder to resist, and the thoughts of how easy it would be to just give up have been more present. Thoughts of food and eating follow me every minute of the day, and I find it difficult to concentrate on my work. My evening meal (larger than the rest) has become a milestone to look forward to every day. “If I can just make it to dinner,” I tell myself, “the hunger will go away.” Now even that doesn’t seem enough anymore, for by dinner time, I’m salivating at the prospect of my next cheat day. I’m planning those days weeks in advance now to make the most of them.

Going for Broke

This has been an expensive month. I threw out or donated all of my old food, and started buying up as much as I could of different foods that would keep a while so I’d have options. I’ve easily blown 2–3x my intended food budget on groceries this month, and it consumed the majority of my total budget after rent. I’m really hoping that as I focus on improving my shopping habits and only buying what I need to eat, I can bring that amount down considerably in the coming months, or it simply won’t be sustainable. Fresh produce is nice, but also expensive, and you need to plan for using it carefully, or buy only a little at a time or it goes bad. I’ve had to throw some out, and also had some “emergency salads”, to use up the greens that were about to expire. I really need to get used to buying less overall, now that I’m eating less. It’s really made an impact on my shopping habits, and my old methods are no longer viable. The food in my fridge is lasting me a lot longer now than it used to. Things are expiring or going bad that I never had to worry about before.

Life is the Variety of Spice

I’ve been experimenting with a lot of different low-carb sugar-free options I’ve never really done before. Not all of the experiments have been successful, and some of the bargain buys of staples have turned out bad, too. (I spent $20 on pouch tuna at 80 cents/ea only to find it was the most awful, unusable tuna I’ve ever had.) Not all of it has been bad, though. I’ve been finding a lot of uses for nori, celery, carrots, mustard, olives, miso, and even SPAM when the cravings hit. Today for lunch I made hand rolls with SPAM Lite and mozerella. Single-serving packaged snacks and pouch foods have been a saving grace for me since it’s much easier to regulate my intake and track consumption. Rounding up to the nearest 50 calories, I’ve been able to keep most meals at 100, 150, 200, or 250 calories by just having one or two of something. Mix-matching as my mood dictates.

Anyway I’ve been feeling really drained and exhausted lately by this whole ordeal, so I think I’ll just leave it at that for the night and try to get some rest. I’ve been in a depressive slump lately, and haven’t been sleeping well, which certainly doesn’t make any of this easier. Just keeping on keeping on….