Let’s discuss the lineup in Predator (1987)

Perhaps the most bad-ass movie of all time, Predator is the closest answer we have to the age-old question, “what happens when you fill an elite special forces team with 80’s muscle men and force that team to fight an interstellar alien hunter in Central America?” Seeing as most of us have this discussion at least a few times a month, why don’t we once and for all break down the lineup in Predator.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: Dutch

Not much needs to be said here. The man was so jacked that he forwent the use of modern weaponry and fucking fought the predator with bamboo and mud and shit.

Carl Weathers: Dillon

While some might think the CIA had Dillon pushing too many pencils, it’s clear that he kept busy in the gym. I mean, the man goes out carrying two HK94s.

Jesse “The Body” Ventura: Blain

Undoubtedly the coolest character in Predator. The man’s weapon of choice was a M134 minigun — how stacked do you have to be to bring that into jungle warfare? What a goddamn sexual Tyrannosaurus.

Bill Duke: Mac

The only other character to wield the M134, Mac initiates perhaps the greatest one-sided firefight in movie history. If you give up his position, he’ll bleed ya, real quiet.

Sonny Landham: Billy

Billy is afraid of no man.

While there are two ancillary characters, Poncho and Hawkins, we didn’t think they were worth discussing — they didn’t make our body mass limit. Predator will go down as the most testosterone injected film in history — it’s too bad that no one has been able to successfully follow it up with a proper sequel. Until that day, let’s just appreciate what we do have: