Which Labour MP’s name should you chant at conference?
A metrical analysis of the PLP, and whether their names scan to the tune of Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes. Inspired by Esther Webber’s tweet.
Like it or hate it, “Oh Jeremy Corbyn” is an undeniably catchy chant. Now it is expanding —this weekend Labour Conference were treated to “Oh, Emily Thornberry”, which feels a little like an awkward second album after an unexpected chart hit.
But if the only chant being used is “Oh [name]” to the tune of Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes, is it possible to guess which MPs stand a shot at popularity (or even leadership) based on the scansion of their name? Probably not. But let’s try anyway.
The first step, of course, is to work out exactly what the scansion is. Using classical notation for scansion, the rhythm of the chant is: — — uu — — , in which the initial long syllable represents the “Oh”, and the rest is used for a name.
Now the question becomes which Labour MPs have names which fit the rhythm. We’re basically looking for names which fit the pattern of a dactyl
( — uu) followed by a spondee ( — — ) although I think a tribrach (uuu) followed by a spondee can also work. With this in mind, I’ve broken the 262-strong PLP down into three categories: No, Yes, and Dubious.
We’ll start by waving goodbye to the nos, who fought valiantly but sadly do not scan. In most cases, their names can be forced to scan but without much enjoyment for the listener. Nobody wants to sit through ten minutes of “Oh, Ly-y-yn Brow-own”, so I’ve filtered out any MPs who have fewer than the requisite five syllables to their name as it appears on Parliament.uk. In cases where their entry includes a title, I’ve skipped Mr, Miss, Mrs and Ms, but generally kept in Dr, Dame or other more interesting titles if that allows for them to scan. When they have more than five syllables I’ve used discretion as to what can be elided or compressed: my test is simply “Does it sound good?”
The total number of MPs rejected straight away came to 192, most of whom had names too short to scan. They are:
There are within this group a large number of MPs who have four-syllable names where the final syllable can be comfortably elongated into a chant, like “Oh, Imran Hussain” or “Oh, Caroline Flint”. But I’ve discounted them on the grounds that we need to draw lines somewhere, and a five-syllable minimum is a good line. If you disagree, feel free to fight me over this on Twitter. I’m available all day.
Next we come to the debatables, which can be further broken down into 3 categories. First come MPs whose names have five or more syllables, and can be forced into the rhythm but only by stressing the wrong syllables. For example, Debbie Abrahams, Oldham East and Saddleworth.
“oh, DEB-bie ab-RAH-HAMS”. With stress upon the last two syllables of Abrahams it can fit the rhythm, but we normally pronounce it AB-rahams, so when chanted this sounds pretty awkward.
Others falling into this category are: Alex Cunningham, Yvonne Fovargue, Barry Gardiner, Anneliese Dodds, Dr Rupa Huq, Susan Elan Jones, Ian Lavery, Emma Lewell-Buck, Ian C Lucas, Siobhan McDonagh, Christian Matheson, Edward Miliband (Dear old Ed also can only be chanted if we use his entire firstname, which just doesn’t sound right. Sorry.), Matthew Pennycook, Bridget Phillipson, Geoffrey Robinson, Virendra Sharma , Chris Williamson, Rosie Winterton, Mohammad Yasin, Daniel Zeichner, Diana Johnson.
Next we have those whose names have six syllables: Heidi Alexander, Rushanara Ali, Roberta Blackman-Woods, Bambos Charalambous, Marsha De Cordova, Gloria De Piero Fabian Hamilton, Rebecca Long-Bailey, Rosenna Allin Khan, Alison McGovern. These sort-of work, or can definitely be made to. But does it sound good? I don’t think so.
The final group we have is a few where the name can vary either in pronunciation or form. Dame Margaret Hodge works if you keep in the Dame and pronounce all syllables of Margaret, with stress on the -ret-, but that sounds very silly. The two other Margarets, Margaret Greenwood and Margaret Beckett, face the same issue. (Sir) Kevin Barron and (Sir) David Crausby will scan if you add in the Sir, but that somehow kills the fun of vaguely leftist communal chanting. Danielle Rowley fits if each syllable of Danielle is fully-pronounced, but that feels unnatural. Chris Bryant only works if you give him his full birth name of Christopher, which he presumably doesn’t like to use.
So finally we come to the 27MPs whose names really, truly scan to the tune of Seven Nation Army by the White Stripes. They are:
Jonathan Ashworth, Adrian Bailey, Jeremy Corbyn, Angela Eagle, Lilian Greenwood, Harriet Harman, Carolyn Harris, Kerry McCarthy, Andy McDonald, Catherine McKinnell, Anna McMorrin, Seema Malhotra, Jessica Morden, Jared O’Mara, Stephanie Peacock, Yasmin Qureshi, Angela Rayner, Jonathon Reynolds, Nick Thomas-Symonds, Emily Thornberry, Chuka Umunna, Barbara Keeley, Shabana Mahmood, and Lloyd Russell-Moyle.
Some are undoubtedly more enjoyable to chant than others. My personal favourites are Kerry McCarthy and Yasmin Qureshi, which trip of the tongue nicely and would probably sound good in a pub singalong. Go wild, nerds.
