What is the point?

I’ve been reflecting on what the point of a significant other. Biblically, the point is to procreate and serve the Lord together. In today’s society, it depends on the couple but ranges from procreation to financial security. Therefore, I’ve been reflecting more on what the point of a significant other is to me.

I’ve been single for most of my life. I’ve spent less than three years in relationships. Since I’ve been dating in general I’ve spent about three years single. What I’m getting at is that I’m perfectly fine being single. So why, when I realized that Z and I weren’t working out, did I jump into a new relationship so quickly without making time for myself first?

Part of it did stem from the fear of being single, in all honesty. Z and I were together for over a year, so I was comfortable being one half of a couple. I’d forgotten what it was like to be single, which is a shame really. When I started dating J I suddenly found myself with more time on my hands for myself and my friends, as I was no longer constantly texting someone. Long story short, I’ve been spending my relationship with J realizing the value of having time to oneself and being one’s own person. He’s been showing me that I don’t need a man to complete me, and I love him for it.

Anyway, that brings me to the other reason I sort of jumped into a relationship with him. I legitimately do love and care for him. I’ve had feelings for him ever since we met, back when I was a lowly freshman with a boyfriend two hours away from home and school and he was a sophomore with a girlfriend back home. Almost from the beginning I was smitten with him. Okay, maybe not smitten. But definitely attracted to him. This manifested itself in interesting ways. I vehemently defended myself against Z, telling him I had no feelings for J when in actuality I wasn’t allowing myself to feel them. I also accidentally called Z by J’s name when Z came to visit campus once. In all honesty I probably should have ended it then, but I defended myself by saying that my first boyfriend’s name was the same as J’s, and I really wanted Z to meet my new guy friend.

What I’ve realized in the first five days of being pretty effectively single again is that it’s kind of nice. I don’t have to structure my day on when I see J, I can stay in my room and be antisocial or I can go hang out with my friends if I want to. I’m not saying I couldn’t do those things when J was on campus, I just used most of the time that I now have to spend with friends or for myself on seeing and hanging out with him.

There’s a problem with this, however. Despite the fact that I am perfectly happy on my own, I really miss J. He’s my best friend. I miss just doing life with him. Making jokes, playing video games, going out to eat, hanging out with our friends. He’s my best friend and I enjoy being with him. That’s what I miss. I don’t miss the hugging or the kissing or the boyfriend stuff, I just miss being around him.

So I guess the moral of this story is that I’m into the whole significant other thing for companionship. And, through companionship, serving God together. Like Priscilla and Aquila in the book of Acts. Their marriage is my favorite. They are life-long companions and devote themselves totally to serving God. Life goals.

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