One piece of advice that might save you some friends
If something you say doesn’t bring value or doesn’t make someone happy, think a couple of times before you say it.
We heard this multiple times when we were angsty teenagers battling endless shit that came off our tongues (mainly towards our parents).
Now, we’re not 13 year olds and being mean just for the sake of it cannot be blamed on our hormonal imbalance anymore. How many times you heard someone say or said yourself something along these lines:
“Personally, I don’t like long skirts. They are for old people. But this totally looks nice on you…”
“Don’t take it the wrong way but isn’t this the same thing you wore last time I saw you? Ha, just saying..”
“I would hate to work with kids and it doesn’t pay well. But that’s just my opinion, good on you for doing it…”
Oh, I have so many examples, the list could go on and on. These kind of comments come out of people’s mouths all the freaking time and I am totally guilty of that too.
Most of the mean things we say (if not all) do not actually carry the purpose of hurting someone else but are solely directed at making us feel better. About how we look, about our life choices, about our jobs, houses, boyfriends, boobs. It seems easier sometimes to make a person feel small in order for us to feel big.
I still remember every single time someone mentioned that they personally don’t like something I am wearing or something that I am doing.
If you really want to help someone, backhanded comments like that are not the way to go. If you feel like giving a fashion advice, try and remember whether there was any inclination of a person asking you for it. And even then, think twice. Or better, just don’t comment on it at all unless it is a compliment, of course! If you are really shocked/ puzzled at why people do what they do, you can say: “Hey, I heard you were doing that thing. I don’t know much about it. Could you please tell me what you like about it?”
Try and be very aware of little comments you drop on someone’s lap. If someone said that to you, would you suddenly be inspired to be a better person with shinier hair or would you just politely smile and have F word play on repeat in your mind?
- Your brain produces a thought.
- Hmm.. Is that going to make a person feel better?
- Yes. SAY IT.
- No? hmm… Is it going to help them?
- Yes. Word it nicely. Ask them how they feel and what they think and just be a fucking human, OK?
- No? Swallow that thought and say something nice instead like: Hey, you rock today!