Fifteen — January 2015

Fuck its so beautiful here, the moon wasn’t out for my entire walk but it is now :D All gorgeous and orange and glowy

This bud is so fucking potent, I can’t believe how stoned I get off SO LITTLE, its fucking incredible.

I never did finish the pot journey story

I never explained the money debacle either, have been running all over the place and/or sleeping for the majority of the day.

The case with the money is…I can’t take anything out from an ATM because it doesn’t have the special worldwide traveling chip that apparently is mandatory to buy ANYTHING here. Spent over an hour going to every cash machine I could find and NONE of them work, its not working here at the hotel either. Fucking bullshit, I got an email from my bank saying they had mailed one to my address in New York so I shot Aurora this anxious as fuck message. She has almost three hundred dollars of my cash because a supplement box hadn’t come in time before I left and I was using her card with my cash because of my fucked up $500 a day limit. I’m POSITIVE she had spent it by now but I told her to spend whatever she needed to, to get that shit here yesterday and that she could keep the rest. Best she could do was have it here Friday so hopefully I won’t get kicked out till then, it’ll work out–everything else does :D

Shit my moods are all over the place, I was ANXIOUS/DEPRESSED/SCARED earlier today and this pregnancy thing isn’t fun to deal with either–walking always sorts my head and I did almost five hours of that today; so fucking needed. Haven’t been walking much at all except for groceries and to/from the club so yeah, need to remember to take time out and do that.

I feel very at peace with the Grey decision, really don’t think I’ll contact him at all until he writes me back again. And if he doesn’t he won’t ever get another email from me again, let alone another fucking poem. He hurt me good dude, my ego is SHATTERED, eh not anymore but it really was before. Deciding you’re going to up and bounce after TWO days of my giving you the best sex I’m capable of?!?! Noooooooooo NOOOOOOOOO N O O O O O O O O.

He did ask me once if I ever considered modeling, that I ‘have the features’ which I appreciated hearing lol :p He’s never told me I’m beautiful or anything like that (which if I’m dating a dude, you really should be telling me that, even if I’m ugly as fuck), it was the highest compliment in regards to my looks he’d EVER given me. But then again his earlobes are small as hell, appearances don’t thrill him.

UHM the weed journey. We’re sitting in a cafè, another SHIT one lol, did not enjoy my tea but at least it was warmer then outside. He says we’re good and have to take a long metro journey to get there FINE BY ME BRO. We get back on, he pays for my tickets and I don’t put up much of a fight because I’m still pissed. Takes us awhile to get there, over a half hour, two different trains with lots of walking through the station in between; on the ride he shows me two pictures he’s saved off my facebook for his viewing pleasure on his laptop (lolol jesus christ). We get to this station that looks like its completely out of Paris, he leads me to this big heater thing on the platform (which was outside and its FREEZING and dark as fuck) and tells me to stay there, he’ll only be ten minutes, the cops were apparently around and Mr.JustTurnedTwentyTwo was looking out for my safety. Can’t knock the kid. I sat in front of that heater for over an HOUR, a fucking hour and it was COLD. Little crying children and old women were crowded around that heater and like a cunt I kept my head down and focused on not passing out. I thought about leaving but I really had no idea how to get back, I wasn’t paying attention on that particular ride. Had I waited something like two hours, or maybe three I would have just bounced but also, I didn’t want to just leave the kid there alone after running to pick up my illegal shit, he was taking a risk so I shouldn’t fault him for being (super) late.

Thank fuck he finally shows up but he’s got this awful look on his face, says he doesn’t have it. Damn dude I wanted to cry. He was totally playing with me though, got me all worked up for nothing, after awhile he tells me he has it, but its not a lot and wants to split it COOL JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING SO I CAN SMOKE THIS DAY AWAY, he wouldn’t let me see it though!! He was playing some sort of game, he calls pot ‘assi’ and he was calling me essentially a pothead in his little french slang. I spit back that he smokes cigarettes which is WAY WORSE then pot smoking.

We FINALLY get back to my subway station and he pulls me aside and gives me this decent sized bag of pot, I would of had NO PROBLEM paying fifty euros for this shit but he didn’t take a dime from me and gave me the whole bag (was playing about splitting it). GOOD SHIT too, super stinky, liked I could smell it through my bag that was zipped up in two zippers. He instructed me to go straight home haha, but I needed food and papers/lighter/tobacco :) Damn rolling up was fucking sweet, I totally get off on the process of doing so; Christian called it an ‘art’ and once Layla learnt how to she said the same thing, that it was fun for her. Its fun for me too :) For years the two of them rolled for me, Christian used to roll me five for the day before he went to work, it was only until Lay sat me down and stated it was time for me to learn, took me awhile to do so properly but I’m good now :) I’m rolling these skinny little things but I’m super fucking content, I don’t have nearly enough to smoke all day either so its a win win. I’m saving them for long walks and venting sessions on here, I love to write in any condition but its so lovely doing it while stoned, its like I’m not worried about anything but getting everything in my brain out in front of me. It calms me the fuck down too, I get anxious as fuck, my thoughts are FLYING, worst case scenario after worst case scenario. Fucking love weed FUCKING LOVE IT

I’m chatting with Marika now, miss that girl, wish she was here to suck all the shit out of me. She’s happy I’m not fucking around with Grey anymore, she did say from the get go that I really need to focus on myself, and my book(s).

Was really nice talking with Layla, she’s already sick of her job–boss hasn’t lived up to his promises of sending her to school (though set her up with a convertible !!!!), her office is stunning, so fancy and has this gorgeous view of the beach!! She looks good, dating this dude who wants to be serious with her, she’s balking. Thinking about packing up and moving to Australia, no reason why, just wants to go. Girl after my own heart ❤ She’s always been a Grey fan, said she’d stick around if I kept the damn thing and moved to Hawaii to be with her LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLnothanks:p I love that she misses me as I miss her. She’s a double Aquarius (moon and ascendent) which means detached as fuck with most people haha.