Nineteen — February 2015

I have a total ‘rear window’ thing going on, I’m on the fifth floor and can see into the homes of several flats right across from me, I’m stopping myself from buying binoculars and investigating the shit out of everyone.
I never did smoke, I read some shit, decided to buy groceries to eat for later, get back and start cooking/singing/dancing to TheWeeknd, then I eat–I mentioned I’ve been watching french movies with english captions when I eat? I am, one thing I really love about these movies is theres no happy ending, its real and even the kids movies have sex themes (much more blatant but classier then Disney). The first one I watched was a kids movie and its about this dude who was born to a mother who left him right after he was born with the random stranger who helped her with labor. The woman/stranger is a little bit of a sorceress and knows he has a ‘cold’ heart, so she puts a clock where his heart is — she loves him but reminds him constantly as he grows that he can never fall in love because his heart can’t take it. Eventually he does fall in love, almost kills his schoolteacher, has to run away to find the girl but theres all these issues for them and he leaves, she goes to find him, says she wants to be with him, they kiss and he dies while they kiss, then the movie ends. Crying. Its an animated movie as well!! Damn dude, harsh times.

There was another one about a woman who married this man that never wanted to fuck her. It takes place in OLD times as well, late 1800’s I believe. The woman’s husband just leaves one day and though she’s beautiful and wants children, she waits for him to come back. NINE years later he returns and everything is perfect, he doesn’t ignore her, they have children, in love for the first time, they are very happy. Then the villagers get suspicious that he isn’t actually her husband and theres this gigantic, long court battle of him proving himself who he really is. They deem him innocent but directly after their decision, in walks the actual husband who didn’t want to come back at all but didn’t like the idea of an impostor pretending to be him. The wife who recognizes him immediately drops to her knees and apologizes to her actual husband, who then says she’s a whore and ruined the family name. Then they hang and light the impostor on fire while the the wife cries. END MOVIE its all so sad/real.
LOVE YOUTUBE

Rea :)
I loved her office the moment I walked in, she’s in a very expensive place close to the Eiffel Tower. I go in to an empty waiting room that has its own (nice!) bathroom, theres a couch, cool painting (on tall white walls) and some magazines on shelves. I waited almost ten minutes after the appointment time for her to greet me, I view this as a good thing as good colonic therapists don’t stop if you’re in a prime place for releasing, they wait for your body; so immediately I’m happy. She opens the door, older, gorgeous woman, I think she’s in her late sixties or seventies but she’s SO pretty, very tall, very slim, short hair, has a very dignified air to her, but not snotty! I believe she comes from the Netherlands and speaks like Yolanda from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. No person came from the inside and when we got into the other room it was empty as well save for us, another door across the other wall; very fancy/professional to see haha. She has her desk/computer/chairs on one side and the table/colonic machine diagonal, its a big room and beautifully decorated, very simple, very modern, another cool (big!) painting on one wall. Its my favorite colonic place I’ve ever been to, something I would put together if I was in her line of work. We sit down and we go over my health, flying colors as per usual ;) I did mention my prolapsed colon and she didn’t freak which is a good sign. She wanted to know what I do and I say ‘I’m a writer, as well as a dancer’ she goes ‘you’re from New York?’, ’…Yes actually, did I tell you that?’, ‘No, but you don’t get many people who are both a writer and a dancer from just anywhere’ hahahhahaha LOVE THAT. I want to work on being honest, lying comes very easy to me; however if I’m holding shit in it will only hurt my colonic, plus I can tell she wasn’t judging me, only interested (as she asked a few questions about it haha). Even if she did I’m paying good money for a service and you’re asking the questions, the least you have to do is pretend not to judge me. But yeah she was cool as fuck about it.

Lol another thing here, nudity just does not bother people in the slightest, earlier for the massage the woman was inside the room while I undressed, walked in while I was in the middle of doing so and never left. Rea instructed me to take off my clothes in the room and she didn’t even turn around!!! Haha look at me all prude, really if you don’t care about seeing my naked body, I don’t mind, its just surprising to me. I keep telling myself I’m in France, way different here :D fuck in the best possible ways. I get on the table and we’re talking a bit, she goes ‘let me know if you want to talk in french’ and I say ‘Usually I like to not talk during my colonics, just focusing on my breathing’ which is true, Marika is the only one I really spoke with during its entirety and at first I gave her one word answers to that CHATTY AS FUCK colon therapist (Capricorn of course, never shuts up) but she won me over really quick. From then on Rea and I were silent (which was BLISS) but occasionally she’d ask me a question that demanded a long answer and I’d have this gigantic release, like SHE KNEW what to ask to get it out. One of which being how I got into dancing, explained marrying Christian, needing an american job to live in England, Cynthia getting me into it, coming here and not being able to cam, decided that stripping was the next best option MAJOR RELEASE. She gets that its illegal for me to work at all here and didn’t say anything about it. I love that she was completely focused on me, no stories or personal remarks, its refreshing. Then she asked if I’m still married to Christian, went over that as well, another HUGE release. We were discussing my thyroid and how it stopped working upon leaving him, that it was difficult for me but I know I’m much better living on my own, focusing on my writing, traveling by myself, she goes ‘this is a problem for him’ I flushed (lol its a word Grey uses for blushing, I think its cute, using it now) and say ‘really I don’t know, I haven’t spoken to him in some time’ and she she goes ‘yes well, he does’ all sure of herself, she did say he would eventually get over it which hurts but really I want him to get over me (and me to get over him) and I joked he has no choice but to. Intuitive as fuck. When she worked on me she kept her eyes closed, really concentrated on what she was doing, I’ve never had that with any colonic NEVER in (almost) EIGHT years. I love this woman, I really do. She thinks I’m funny, made her crack up a few times between the silences, she wanted to know about my sisters and I bitched about Penny as bit, she told me to release the anger, that she just doesn’t understand and she doesn’t need to. And she’s right. Same with the Christian bullshit.

Upon leaving I told her it was an absolute pleasure and would love to see her in about three weeks, that I would call soon. She returned the compliment and I hugged her, lolololol I’ve heard a few times that the french just don’t hug, that they think its weird but its hard for me to help sometimes, I’ve written before I’m not a big hugger but when I feel the need, I NEED to. Like after my colonics. HAHA last week I was drunk again at the club and it was empty as fuck, us girls had our own dance party, some on the far stage with no poles and I was on one pole going wild and trying to work on fancier dance moves. Miss Bitch of all people came over to me and helped me to ….lets see if I can describe this, lift myself onto the pole, get one leg over the other and squeeze tight! Then I arch my back, head all the way down to the ground, one hand on the pole, body up in the air, DAMN its hard and theres no way I can gracefully do it at the moment but I managed and Miss Bitch is beaming, clapping for me, I lunged my drunken/sweaty body at her to hug her and I can’t remember if she recoiled or not, I hope not, but I full on hugged her haha. I was grateful!!!!!
Its so nice cooking again, my body appreciates it as well. Its fun for me and I want to keep eating my own prepared food everyday. I don’t eat nearly as much as I do when buying from the organic shops and I have no desire for chips and hummus :D Lately its all quinoa and sautéed veg with some mashed avocado mixed in. SO delicious

Looking forward to work tonight, I always am after not working for three days which is nice, excited to see my girls.
The Indian kid has not come to my room in some time, he got one of his worker buddies to do my room now I guess, I don’t care. I plan on asking the new dude to DELIVER me bud, I’ll pay him like 50euros to do so, he exclaims every time over the tips he gets just for cleaning my room so I have a feeling he’ll come through for me. I know he’s friends with Raj, he asked if I had a boyfriend (though he ‘knows’ I do through Raj) and when I said he visits me ‘sometimes’ he goes ‘Isn’t that a sexual problem for you?’ completely straight-faced, don’t think he was trying to be an ass; and really if one of my friends were exclusively dating a dude they only saw ‘sometimes’ I would think there would be a sexual problem for her as well (in the sense that she wasn’t getting enough). So I wasn’t overly offended, I stopped helping him make my bed though lol. I’m just chalking it up to being in Paris… you little all of a sudden prude girl, blushing stripper. Haha
Still haven’t done laundry, fucking disgusting. The laundry-mats here don’t even have workers that I can bribe to do my shit, just rows of machines, instructions in french, open till eleven. I’d have to sit there and make sure my shit wasn’t taken. I DON’T WANT TO, LET ME PAY YOU TO DO IT FOR ME. All my pyjama bottoms have clay/coconut oil/cinnamon/ all sorts of shit stuck on the crotches so it looks like I’m shitting myself constantly. Harsh news.

Lol I’m talking to Ginny, I guess she thought something I said was funny and goes in all caps RETWEET lol, I called her a Gemini fag :p
One thing I really loved about Rea was….well there were several, one that stuck out was how EVERYONE keeps telling me to be careful, take cabs home from work! Don’t talk to strangers! Bullshit essentially. Buy yourself mace too! I’m hearing it from Penny, Scotty, lol really only them but its annoying. Dad and Aurora just want to make sure I’m eating as apparently they only have snails and butter here ;) ANYWAY people be bitching like I’m this weak, innocent little girl, unable to walk home by myself (I don’t care that its five in the morning, I did this shit NIGHTLY in HARLEM and am here to fucking tell the tale). I don’t want to live my life in fear of anything, ESPECIALLY MEN smfh. Anyway Rea goes about all this ‘If you don’t think its going to happen, it just won’t’. So true, all about the mindset. Fuck off haters.