Seven — January2015
Dude I need to make another post about astrology, I know the houses are very obscure and it helps to have a basis of just the planets and signs in general to understand; I’m still learning–if you youtube Alyssa Astrology she’s fucking amazing and breaks it down perfectly. I’m going through her house series right now (constantly pausing that shit to look things up) and I noticed she kept mentioning how important the Sun is, because thats where the ego lies, you can’t get worth for yourself in any other way but to exalt that particular house.
ANYONE WANT TO TAKE A WILD SHOT WHERE MY FUCKING SUN IS?!
Tenth house–“Career, Calling, PUBLIC standing” shit makes so much sense, I have no worth (internally) if I don’t achieve my dream writing career…which needs to happen on a WORLD WIDE PUBLIC level, I feel better knowing this, like I’m meant to want (good) fame (not notoriety) and its not just me being greedy IT’S IN THE STARS. Explains the suicidal thoughts because I haven’t gotten there yet. Can’t wait for her to make a video on that, I’ve actually got four fucking planets in that particular house, one of which being Venus (all about beauty).
Fuck I love astrology.
^^^^^^^^This was yesterday, I’m skipping ahead now to write about the strip club–I had a terrifying dream last night that I think revolves around my state of mind being there…I love it, I just need to explain.
Firstly the dream was not a good one, and literally the first I’ve remembered in what feels like months. I’ve been switching positions on the bed and after the THIRD night of doing this I’ve found the direction I need to be in (you can sleep/dream better if you sleep facing the proper direction for yourself, you would have to look up a whole lot of feng shui particularities to find it out where it is; personally I just move around till I start remembering my dreams), facing the bathroom with my body going across the width of the bed..rather then the lengthwise haha, I don’t even give a fuck at the end of the night I’m so beyond exhausted, I don’t think I’ve ever been falling asleep quicker in my life.
Anyway I was with some dude, no clue whom he is but we were chilling on some bed when I see these mean looking BIG men walk into the room with HEAVY artillery, they walk right past me and the dude I’m with knows them, or is with them. They’re there to shoot this kid who I can’t see but he’s just beyond us, they walk towards him, back up and then point their guns at me. No bueno dude.
The day Grey left I went downstairs to speak to the front desk about the internet situation, that I ‘blogged’ through a pornographic site and now am unable to make money. The man was very helpful and immediately called the internet company to see if the situation could be remedied for me. Then explained its ILLEGAL to have pornographic sites (or even regular sites, its weird!! the majority of VICE articles, health sites with articles on vaginas or breasts — its fucking bullshit) viewed in places like hotels, coincidentally I did get on the site in a random cafè that I sat in later that day, I was desperate to talk to Scotty as my email was still acting fucked up. Ended up getting in contact with him, said he’d throw me two grand the next morning, he ends up sending three. Gods bless that man.
Holy shit Thomas is such an asshole, I have to write about him too–I put his number (with his permission) on my email verification thing when I was with him in Switzerland and he’s being such a dick about giving me the code; dude is fucking salty I’m not up and changing my life to be with him, he said some NASTY shit to me one night when he was drunk, said ‘Penny was right’ about me. He can fuck himself, he’s all apologetic in the morning, messaging me and shit; I’m done. Ignoring the fuck out of his ass, I’d block him but then I’d lose the Furkka Pass pictures we took on his motorbike together.
I was sitting in that cafè for awhile just brainstorming what the fuck I was going to do, yes I could cam in a place like that but I could get in a shitload of trouble if found out, and how much money could I even make just sitting there? It wouldn’t work. I was close to the Moulin Rouge and it just kind of came to me. Almost immediately I paid and then toured the strip, I was so fucking nervous even to walk up to one, passed a few just because I couldn’t get up the nerve. But I just talked myself into it, forced my legs up to the scary bouncers and said in french ‘’I’m a dancer, is it possible to dance here?’’ (Je suis une danser, un possiblè je danse ici?! — don’t make fun of my french spelling, its easier to speak rather then type) I went to three places on the main road and they all told me I needed papers to work (after demanding my age, the consensus here seems to think I’m 22 which is hilarious — 27 right now, 28 in July. Cancer girl, Ascendant Libra, Moon in Pisces — hit me up if you ever want to discuss astrology, I could and sometimes do so all day); I figured this but I thought there MUST be some place thats shady enough to just allow me in and pay in cash. The second day I went to more obscure places further away and found the place I’m working now, I ask and they let me in right away, I begin talking to the owner, old dude, not creepy looking — he speaks NOTHING but rapid fire french, and I understood maybe one fourth of it (which is kind of terrifying when you need a job) he wanted to see me in the back room..nerve wracking, I tensed up ready to bolt out if any bullshit went down. We get there and he asks me to take off my coat and see my tits, I figured this was reasonable as its part of the job to get topless, I do so. He wants to see me in a g-string and I explain I’m not (never) wearing underwear, he’s cool with that and doesn’t want me to take off my leggings. He asks if I can work that night, I ask how the payment system works — 56 euro flat fee, 30% for everything I make and paid in cash every single night. DONE, he wants me back in an hour.
Walk home (its less then a twenty minute walk) change and am almost out the door when I realize I should shower haha, (I’ve been a camgirl too long!!) and brush my teeth considering I took myself out for Indian just before I snagged the job. I do so and walk back.
I go into the same room I ‘auditioned’ in and theres a bunch of girls dressing, getting ready for the night. Off the bat everyone is very nice, very chatty but now I’m realizing the majority aren’t as chill as they appeared to be at first — lately have been distancing from the lot, I can’t deal with that kind of cattiness, theres NO REASON FOR IT AS I’M NICE AS FUCK TO YOU. I’ll explain all this, I’ve got pages of shit I’ve been writing in my paper journal.
Before I get to that though, all the girls sit on this banquet in the middle of the club, its a big club!! When clients come in a girl is asked to perform on stage, and girls are sent over to their party, a dancer for each man, just one girl if its a couple; a lot of chicks come in with their boyfriends. Once I saw this HOT lesbian couple, both were gorgeous women and looked rich, very much into the show as well, I had fun dancing for them. Anyway we’re sent over to offer lap dances if their interested. Its a whole scheme to make as much money as possible from the clients, I find it very sneaky actually. Its 90 euros to get a girl a drink (madness!) and we’re instructed to dump it on the floor whilst shaking our ass in the clients face; the bottom of the club (in the particular lap dance section) are all grates, you can’t see them as its so dark back there; when given my first tutorial on how to do so I didn’t understand at all (they all really only speak french, bits of english) but was relieved when told to spill it as I can’t drink every night, I have no desire too, I’d probably try to dump it anyway, grate or no grate.
My first night there they kept calling me over, I guess when they figured out the proper English terminology (hard to understand in a club thats BLARING dance music…which I love but yeah, hard to comprehend anything, let alone not in english) asking me things, they wanted to know if I worked in a club before and I lied and said I did for years in Manhattan which they were impressed by (for a VERY short time, right after Heathrow sent me packing I was a hostess in a strip club, no dancing, no nudity (on my part) but I do very strongly remember being jealous of the dancers, wanted to get involved but I was with Christian and he wouldn’t have liked it, fuck that noise). Wanted to know what type of club (lol sex or no sex?) and if I was familiar with the pole (only experience on a pole I’ve had is swinging on Christian’s sisters whilst camming and stoned out of my mind) I said I only worked with giving lap dances and had not much time on a pole, they said that was fine and to watch the other girls. Cool! First girl that performs is REALLY good, like backflips on the pole and shit, high grade stuff. Guess who performed after her?! VEEOHLETT, MAKE A DANCE!!!!! SMFH lolol, my heart was pounding so fucking hard but I was pretty fucking excited to get out there. The song was something about ‘used to be a good girl’ which I found fitting
–fuck the three grand from Marley is now in my account, happiness ensues–
I enjoyed that dance, and its so sweet because the girls always clap when every girl finishes, so it was nice to be applauded, even now that I know the majority aren’t a fan of me, but whatever, the men go wild when I perform and its a nice feeling. Last night I worked with a few girls I’ve never seen before, two of them are sisters (I’m guessing) and possibly from Russia, they are BEAUTIFUL, really tall and walk around with a tiny little dog. Their dances are so sexy, they both can do really intricate moves and always make it look effortless. Crazy graceful. I know last night in particular I was the least technically skilled at the pole (no headstands or anything), I like to dance and I do so all over the stage, around the pole — just trying to be as hot as I can haha. Towards the end of the night the place was packed, it was my turn to dance and Jesus the men went fucking crazy, screaming things out in the middle of the dance, whistling, yelling things I couldn’t understand, they freaked out when I finished and upon reentering the room they all turned towards me (back of the room) and applauded me, some even stood up!! Hahahaha the girls didn’t seem too pleased but shit I was happy.
I want to describe the girls because they are all so out there, I’ve given them all names because I can’t remember anyones for shit….except the girl named ‘Melissa’ haha.
Miss Sneakers and Shorts–Its fun to watch her because she usually wears the same fucking thing, body suit with these big unflattering white shorts with smokelike designs on them…with Ugg sneakers. I can tell she’s been there awhile because she’s so nonchalant about everything. She almost never talks to me, if she walks in the room and I say ‘Ca Va’ she’ll like giggle and walk away like she has no idea what I’m saying (its like ‘how are you?’), she doesn’t go out of her way to be a bitch to me though, so whatever. She dances a lot off to the corner in front of all these mirrors, headphones glued to her ears and watching herself as she goes. There was one time where her client started talking to me and she got pissed, it didn’t linger though, I feel like she has no opinion of me which suits me fine.
Miss Bitch–this girl is a cunt, she’s actually pretty cute and dresses a little quirky, she doesn’t have a bitch face either (makes sense I guess because I’m the only one she seems to have a thing against, the rest of the girls seem to be her friends) but she’s forever staring at me with these long expressionless looks, scrutinizes when I dance and once she literally grabbed my hand and led me to the bar while she stole the client I was told to talk to. She got yelled at not only from the managers but the other girls for that bullshit; since then I stopped even trying to make an effort, now I just don’t acknowledge her. She dances very sexily. Is sexily a word? I’m not sure, lets pretend I’m Shakespeare.
I want to make this clear, I’m not out to be best friends, or even friends at all with anyone, thats not important to me. HOWEVER is it SO hard to be polite?! Where the FUCK are your manners? Almost all of these girls smoke cigarettes (Mom issues) and carry gigantic bags the size of my torso (baggage in general–its all feng shui motherfuckers). The cattiness bothers me because my imagination runs a little wild, maybe its natural but I’m always checking to make sure my stuff isn’t messed with or taken (I keep my purse by the managers (as requested) but still, I wouldn’t put it past them to take it from there. It is stressful, you have to take the good with the bad I guess. I was underpaid last night and reprimanded twice by the manager, he was angry and I thought I’d be fired which made me sick to think about. It was all bullshit too, I’m giving a lapdance to a guy from China, he wants to go to the private room, I go and get Paul AS INSTRUCTED and he blows me off, odd? I keep dancing for the dude, he’s buying me drink after drink. Paul comes back and I say again he’s looking to take me private (much more cash) he yes ‘APRÈS!’ and leaves. WTF?! By the time I was finished (not even four minutes later I made 800 euros for the club) he takes me aside and goes something like “I’ve told you once before!!! If they’re from China, Japan or India don’t even think about the private room, they’re too cheap!” UHM NO ONE FUCKING told me that, first I’ve heard of that racist, ridiculous rule…and really?! You want to bitch after my making that kind of cash?!?! Fucking bullshit. I could have made so much more. Later on in the night he brought me over and reiterated the whole fucking deal to me AGAIN, like is this really necessary?! There was another point where I was with these two dudes from Mexico, one of the Russian sisters was with me and rather rudely on their part they said they didn’t want her there and to only talk to me. Whatever. We just chatted and they bought me a few drinks (100 euros a piece), showed me pictures of their girlfriends and shit, they both felt guilty being in a club and didn’t want me to dance; I get that, I’m not going to force you. We talk for a few songs and then they leave, Max comes up to me and yells ‘Why no dancing?!?!’ ….because they weren’t going to pay for it, you French fucking cunt. I explained they were showing me pictures of wives/girlfriends and he waved me away like a douchebag server or something. Paul has always been so nice to me but last night he was so fucking harsh, literally thought he was going to ask me to leave. UGH and first thing that happened that night is Miss Cunt (I’ll get to her in a bit) and I am instructed to go over to a group of dudes and chat them up, ask if they want us to dance. I get in there and she fucking shoo’s me away, yells VEEOHLETT, YOU GO! so fucking embarrassing, and I can’t attack her like I want to, I’m trying to just blend in and not make a fuss. She got yelled at of course, but damn what a way to start the night. Fucking cunt, she’s a fucking cunt.
Miss Cunt– She’s a cute girl–actually tangent…she’s got the same face shape as I do (fire shape, elongated) people with these types of faces tend to be happier then most, we’re born more optimistic in general HOWEVER I’ve come across A LOT of bitches with that type of face, and I have read that when your chi is messed up you can just swing in the polar opposite direction, that must be the case with her because Miss Cunt, is pretty much a Cunt to everyone. Miss Translator (one of my favorites….and everyone seems to love her) accidentally spilled a bit of coffee on her and she fucking freaked though MissT was so apologetic and helped her clean up. I almost never…have I seen her talking to the girls? Truthfully I don’t think so, she’ll slink around the managers and throws herself at the clients. So yeah, she has a pretty face and she dances REALLY well, I think she’s sexy as fuck when she dances which is saying something regarding my opinion of her…but I don’t like her, no matter how she moves.
Did I mention I asked for today off? I did and I’m fucking over the moon about it, my body is SO sore and I really need today just to do my own thing IE:writing, walking, taking myself out for Indian
