Six — January2015

Where did I leave off? Oh yes, the perfect sex :D

The first time we ever had sex back in London, he pretty much attacked me, came on strong and fast, eating me out (lolol they say licking you out, the Brits) not even a minute after he kissed me. This time he took his time a bit, we were making out hard kind of rolling around on each other, I think he’s an ass man as he was all over that shit :) Haha I love when guys pay proper attention to my ass (in the club if I’m doing a lap dance, I specifically plant their hands hard on my cheeks). He took my clothes off slowly and ate me so good, soooooooooo good–he’s the type of guy that just adores that shit, kept saying how good I taste, he’s actually REALLY into dirty talk which I love, I didn’t even have to prompt him (which I usually do), he gets so explicit with his proper as fuck accent, shit I am so into him. Once he goes all low in my ear ‘You like my fingers in your pussy?’ fuck I’m getting wet thinking about it. After a bit I pushed him off me and swallowed his perfect/fat/longggg cock, went to town on him and then got on top, banged the fuck out of him. I love the way he looks at me, I fucking love it. AH lolololol AGES ago, literally when I was a teenager and listening to Jason Mraz, he’s got this line in one of his songs that says something like ‘call to make my day, in your message say my name’ or something like that, and at that point (virgin Melissa) I thought ‘I’m going to say a dudes name when I have sex’ NO MAN IN MY FUCKING LIFE has ever moaned my name back whilst fucking me, Grey does though :D (he didn’t in London, quel suprisè!) and my gods I could cum right now thinking about it.

We fucked all night of course, I swallowed cum for the first time in years now, last person being him in England. It tastes like nothing, literally nothing at all. His body is so fucking gorgeous, he’s a bit thinner then he was last time and ugh, its just perfect, he’s fucking perfect, I want to stare at it all day.

Fuck I miss him so much, he doesn’t really wear cologne but randomly during the day–several times a day (on the street, at the club, here at the hotel where there is no sheets he slept in or a trace of the kid) I SMELL him, its such a strong sense, I smell him like he’s right next to me and it really hurts. I’m telling myself he’s thinking of me then but really, I don’t know. This is hard because I’m totally falling for him, I had to stop myself from writing about him at the club because I started to cry (in my downtime I write in my paper journal).

We wake up around midday and fuck some more, afterwards he wants to run (such an Aries, he likes to cycle as well–a few years ago he biked to Italy from London) and I needed to find an adaptor, and get the MA pill (which he almost forced me to take money for, but I hate taking cash from men I want to impress), I ran out the door before he was even in his wallet.

I get back and he’s out running, I take a shower and get ready for the day, we wanted to do all the touristy things which I was excited for, Eiffel tower❤ lol so clichè, don’t hate :p. I was putting on make up in a sports bra and shorts when I hear him knock on the door, I don’t know why but I was startled and scrambled to throw on a hoodie and end up tripping, falling on the floor just as Grey walks in (forgot to lock the damn door), haha we both pretty much died laughing. He showers, dresses and we start walking to the door, out of nowhere he pushes me against the wall, kissing me hard, moves me to the bed, pushes me down and tries to rip off my tight as fucking leggings, he about halfway did but it felt good because my legs couldn’t spread properly, so I just wrapped them around his waist and pushed myself into him. He liked that :)

Eventually we did leave, took the metro for a few stops to arrive at the L’arc de Triomphe; you know all my life I heard how dirty the French subway is supposed to be, I’ve literally heard its ‘disgusting’ and MY GODS if what I saw is ‘disgusting’ then Manhattan’s is a fucking shitpile; no clue where that description came from but it looked perfectly clean to me, a lot like London’s actually; no qualms in the slightest.

We arrive and its cool seeing the monument, I’ve never seen it in real life and its impressive to look at, much bigger then I was expecting. This chick with a clipboard came up to us and asked if we spoke english, Grey had warned me that the beggars do this, that they ask you to sign for something and then bang you for cash. I say we don’t in french and we walk away, the fucking girl follows us yelling ‘you’re talking english!! talk to me!’’ I give her this look like ‘shut the fuck up’ (dude I am so cool with giving less fortunate people money, but don’t fucking hassle or try to scheme me into it, I don’t NEED to give you shit) I tell her to stop in French and she hits me!! Straight on the arm and hard that little cunt. She ran away and was promptly stopped and searched by a police officer, Grey was so cute, all concerned and inspecting my arm like she shot me.

We walk down this grand street, talking about a poem one of his classmates wrote that we both love (it really is so gorgeous, and all about a scarf, I may ask him to send it to me). We talk a lot about writing actually, he feels the same way about dedicating his life to the craft, that he’d rather kill himself then not attain what he wants to do, literature wise. It makes me feel, better, I think thats one of the main appeals for me in him, I don’t feel like I’m really that insane to do what I do. I actually mentioned the suicide thought to Jonah, he’s clearly very passionate about his music but wouldn’t want to die if he couldn’t achieve the level of success he dreams about, says theres more to life. Uhm I see the truth in that, I guess for some people that works but I’m just not wired that way, either is Grey :) He gets why I cam(med), understands my undying love for journaling and writing in general, we literally even talked ways of suicide we’d go. Fucking madness, I love it so much. We both love words, haha every SINGLE word he says you can tell he’s thinking it over in his head, like ‘does this perfectly describe my thought process’, I make fun of him a bit for that because its so pointed the way he does it, he gets self deprecating with it as well, using these outlandish words sarcastically and shit. He’s so much fucking fun, there were a FEW times I used a word he didn’t know, like ‘plebe’ short for ‘plebeian’; he asked about it and I explained and then haha he looked it up on his phone and commended me on the term, how I knew the origin of it and everything (medieval times). This sounds nerdy as fuck, he’s not a snob, he’s actually the opposite, he just loves words like I do. He curses too!!!!!! Gods I love that, in his letters he’s so formal and shit, of course I curse all the time and it actually used to bother Thomas. Grey curses A LOT and it turns me on.

We find the Eiffel Tower and shit its as spectacular as I remember, so fucking gorgeous, we roamed the area after that, walked down by the Seine, went through this park to the Louvrè. We have such intense conversations, he’s an atheist even though a very small part of him tells him theres something more then nothingness after life. He was interested to hear my past life theories. We talked about each others insecurities and he has quite a few (before I would have been surprised but now I’m not) one of which being his height haha, he’s like 5'9 and wishes he was much taller haha. He asked me what I’m insecure about, adding beforehand that I seem ‘very sure of’ myself; I’ve heard that a lot actually, I am in certain ways but I’m not sure if I would describe myself that way. I told him I’m very conscious of the way I’m perceived, that I try to win everyone over, despite my dislike for the majority of the population. He feels the same way actually.

We sat in a cafè and I got fresh pressed orange juice which was a delight to see on the menu, he got the same (lolol always copying me, I like that) and a plate of fries. He offered them to me and begrudgingly I explained my food combining rules (I don’t like explaining them in real life because people always assume I’m crazy, in reality I need to follow them so I can shit), he listened and didn’t judge. One TINY thing that bothers me about Grey is he’s constantly asking if I’ve eaten, or want to eat. That kid doesn’t even eat that much (he’s an official pescatarian now!! says meat makes him feel ill) but he’s always pestering me about it, I told him I don’t want him to think I’m starving myself–ehh I do want to eat as little as possible around him just so I feel thin all the time, I know I have fucked up views about body image but I’m WORLDS better then I was a few years ago and now I only eat if I’m hungry…even if I haven’t eaten for days, if I don’t feel it I don’t want to put a thing in me. He offered me this weird nougat thing the night before, he assured me it was vegan but eughhhhh, it was the first ‘sugary’ thing I’ve had probably in months and months (how long have I gotten rid of sugar in my diet? it feels like it could be a year, I don’t know) but it tasted SO SWEET and disgusting, I spit it in my hand when he wasn’t looking and then threw it on the window ledge for the birds haha. So gross. Anyway he wasn’t weird about my not eating the fries because I was drinking fresh juice (fresh juice should be consumed alone and at least a half hour before anything else). I did order for the both of us and he complimented me on my french, says I sound authentic which made me blush a bit. So fucking into him.

We left afterwards and did some more walking down by the river, said he wanted to show me Notre Dame, it was getting a bit late and out of the blue he turns to me, looks at me SO intensely Iike I’m in trouble or something and goes “I don’t want to drink, but lets go sit somewhere and you can”. Haha there was no need for the serious tone, I literally laughed and asked if he was okay. I don’t even know how to describe it, he’s like a coil ready to spring, I’m so fucking into it–he’s NOTHING, FUCKING NOTHING like any other guy I’ve ever dated. So fucking sexy. I say I don’t need to drink, thats its not a big deal but I know his back was hurting and he needed to sit (he’s having constant issues with his lower back :( I know its all stress as I’ve looked up the metaphysical reasons for it and its all there, not feeling good enough as well, shitton of pressure, I feel for him). We sit in a bar and I decided to drink, then he decided to have ‘one’ drink, lolololol that didn’t last long at all.

I’m getting hungry naowwwwwww, may stop. I have other shit I need to write regarding my novel ‘Mathildè and Crier’. I’m making checklists for myself now, trying to use my time as effectively as possible. I’m dying to write about the strip club, I have it all in my paper journal that I want to transfer here, I may just skip around to catch you all up. The hunger just came on strong though, and though I don’t remember the majority of the night (damn you wine!!) I do want to properly explain what I do recall, as well as what he told me in the morning. It was the next day that he woke up sick and told me hours later (after the best sex we’ve had) that he wanted to go, shot to the fucking heart.