Ten — January 2015

THEY WERE SO NICE TO ME LAST NIGHT
SO NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND I HAD A DREAM THAT KATE TEMPEST READ A POEM TO ME

HAPPY TIMES 
A JOYOUS OCCASION
LOVE ALL AROUND

haha :p

Dude they really were so sweet, Miss Selfie is so fucking cool, she sits by me now (the long banquet where we sit…I sit all the way on the end with my face buried in my notebook scribbling furiously pretty much the entire time…more about this later, but yeah I don’t look terribly social, I’m not though haha) and we talk throughout the night but most of the time she’s on her phone, I love her because we’ll chat here and there, laugh and shit, but she doesn’t want to talk constantly. PERFECT FRIEND haha. Miss Taurus and Miss Bitch have gotten very buddybuddy, I feel like that whore specifically made more of an effort with her because the first few nights I was there, they never even spoke, now if MT is talking to me she’ll literally squeeze between us or physically pull her head over to talk to her, it happened a few times last night. INSECURE, YOU WHORE?!?!?!?!?!? So yeah the night wasn’t off to an ideal start. Plus Miss SneakersandShorts bumped into my table and spilled my water glass all over me, at first I thought she wasn’t even going to stop!! But she did (she was on the way to a client) ran to get a tablecloth and sopped it all up, apologized about ten times as well throughout the night. Of course I’m cool about it and I think she appreciated that. Fucking Miss Cunt knocked into a clients table I was sitting with and spilled his beer ALL OVER my leg and his table, she didn’t stop, she threw a quick sorry while I ran upstairs to clean the beer off my fucking body (FUCKING HATE BEER, NASTY NASTY SHIT) and she didn’t even get the dude another one, I did once I got back. Awhile later she specifically came up to me and gave me a real apology which I appreciated, I’m not going to be a cunt about it. For a minute I’m thinking, are these whores doing this intentionally? But nah, I watched them both knock into the tables and it wasn’t on purpose. Since then she’s been noticeably nicer to me.

Anyway it all progressed from there, The Russian Sisters were friendly all of a sudden, lol I thought they spoke to no one but I got waves and smiles when they showed up (always always always late) and we spoke in french about their sweet little dog ‘Nooshka’. When Miss Selfie ordered food, she literally handed me almost half (she made this tray and gave me half her pizza and fries–no idea how these girls CHOW DOWN on shit food and are able to perform REALLY WELL, they aren’t heavy or anything, some are ‘thick’ in the best sense of the word but not heavy) and when I tried to explain that I’m a vegan the younger Russian explained it all in french to her and she understood. Miss Taurus looked impressed and asked what I did eat, I said mostly vegetables and grains and she goes ‘ohhhh no wonder you are like….’ and then she stuck out her pinky, as though I’m as thin as a pinky finger. Fuck that made me very happy, Miss Taurus is a thin girl, I don’t take that shit lightly :) :) :) Yes I’m fucked up, we all know this.

Fuck I woke up at 330 today, feel like my day is already gone because I’m working again tonight, I’m kind of looking forward to it, even last night I was ready to go back because its so much nicer when the girls are chill with you, but I prefer my day to be spent doing whatever I want, my time has been slashed in half now :( Whatever, at least I had cool dreams.

Anyway me, Miss Selfie (she MADE me come in the back and sit with her while she ate, even bought me a soda that I had to pretend to be grateful for lol…but wouldn’t accept) , Miss Taurus and Miss Bitch were there and ask us to go outside and smoke with them :D They had rolled two FAT spliffs to specifically include us :) :) :) So sweet! And fucking surprising from Miss Bitch!! We go outside and sit in this little space away from the crowds and hidden behind this random BIG hardware from the club, MS pulls me to sit on her and Miss Taurus sits on Miss Bitch, we’re all huddled so close because its FREEZING and we smoke, shit was niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice, was fucking stonedddddddddd right away and it was a big spliff!!! We’re all giggling and shit, this is when MissBitch started to talking to me, giving me genuine smiles. Felt good. Towards the end this really hot dude comes over, I guess he smelt our shit and tried to talk to us, he’s from London and we start chatting in English, its his first time in Paris and I’m all ‘Welcome!’ like a fucking local haha :p Miss Bitch pulls us inside yelling at the dude “you have to pay to talk to us!” hahaha so I follow them in and yeah, we were all cool after then. Pot is the best. Miss Taurus and Miss Bitch squeezed in Miss Selfie’s spot and we all were talking, turns out MB is a writer!!! She wrote a french novel and we talked a little bit about it, newfound respect for her, plus writers aren’t the most outgoing people in the universe, no worries boo boo, I understand. She wanted to know what I write in my book and lately I’m working on the ‘Mathildè and Crier’ story, I’ve got over twenty pages (well over forty if you count them back to back) FULL of story lines, actual progression of events, dialogue I know I’ll include–like the rough draft of what I’ll actually finish on my computer, I’m LOVING how the story is coming out, very excited about it, so much fun to create it. And I think she thought that was cool, they both invited me to go out with them to a bar after work, I knew I wasn’t going to go because…the last thing I want to do is get drunk at five in the morning when I have work the next day…but I said it sounded like fun and would go if I wasn’t too tired when we were finished. When we all were leaving, Miss Bitch specifically came over to me and asked if I was going with them, I said thanks but I’m too tired and she actually looked disappointed!!!! I was like aw girrrrrrl, another time and then she gave me a smile and double kiss goodbye. SUCCESS haha I love winning people over.

I went home jubilant, already excited for today’s shift. I was still stoned and ended up eating quite a bit arriving home haha. Munchies always get me when I chill out with the smoking for a bit, no worries though, I’m good and just shit it all out :)

Yeah the dreams were intense, first I was chilling with Kate Tempest, she was stressing about something, I forget the context but I told her to read me the poem and she did so, and I’m thinking, ‘this is so fucking cool’.

Then the room service people woke me up and I asked him to properly clean my room (was specifically waiting for the kid not to be here to do so). I passed out as soon as they left, had a dream where I was helping Dad move out of a gigantic house I’ve never seen, it was this BIG house, filled with shit and I saw a lot of stuff/pictures that I have chilling at Dad’s, as though I lived there. We were nearly finished but leaving for the day, he goes ‘we still have ten more tons of stuff to move’ and I go ‘I’ll help you!’ Then we see these surfers off in the distance, surfing these big waves and dodging huge ice packs.

I’m just happy they aren’t bad dreams, no more fucking trying to kill me.

Do you know what else I’m feeling good about? This club that I’m working at, its not very busy, the most full I’ve seen it is less then half (its pretty gigantic so thats sizable) but still theres A LOT of downtime, on a good night (like the one where I made 300euros…., the owner goes ‘you’re rich!’ after that shift….lol no but I’ll take it) I’m working maybe thirty minutes STRAIGHT if I’m generous, thats including songs and lap dances for a few dudes, other then that I’m sitting and writing for the remaining seven hours and 30 minutes; even if I don’t do any lapdances or get no tips I walk away with 56euros–its like I’m being PAID to WRITE (another one of my new moon wishes), I don’t have to hide my writing, actually the managers get a kick of of it and call me the ‘Ècrivaine’ (writer❤) and sometimes shine their lights on me, ask what I’m writing about, what the story is about, is it a love story? (lol hell no…have I mentioned anything about the story? Two fourteen year old kids from FUCKED UP rich families in Manhattan run away from home and have FUCKED UP experiences which will result in Crier murdering Mathildè, its dark and really fucking fun to write. Last night Crier lost his virginity (and first kiss) to an old man who kind of raped him, kind of didn’t, its very complicated; the whole theme of the book is duel sides to personalities, the characters in the story are extreme but I feel its very relevant to today, just good and evil fighting in the same person, destroying each other. Anyway writing the sex scene had me SO WET which is SOOOOOOOO FUCKED UP but damn, I’m loving the way its coming out, its my world :D its very cool and though not exactly what I was looking for in being ‘paid to write’ I’m happy with it now because if I had a regular writing job I’d be making shit money and would have to work the club anyway just to break even (I’m trying to save as much as I can of the thousands Marley is sending). Its amazing to me that I can focus so intensely on the writing and walk out with cash every night….with a stripping job that is fucking fun. I’m happy, this universe is fucking incredible, so fucking in love with everything.