Twenty-Two

IRS is PAID, and very easily might I add from the online sites provided through their website. So much better than through the phone

Dwane says they’re trying to figure out when to put me on the scheduale (EVERY DAY BRO)

Beiming says I can stay another night here if I want to, yesssss

I want to go out and smoke but its a whole fucking covert mission to do it here guhguhguhugh

Going to roll myself a few spliffs, dress, than hit the city, walk around for awhile and hit up small strip clubs to see if I can start tonight :D !!!

Had such a vivid dream last night about my sisters and Jeremy, he was stalking the fuck out of me and I was terrified. Fuck him

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That was yesterday^^^never posted

Walked around all day with three spliffs yesterday :D Weather was gorgeous, chilly and sunny and fuck this city is amazing. Keep thinking about how everything was when I moved here, and all the times that followed after haha Brooklyn, Manhattan with Layla, moving back here after London, and now. Its cool because I see things I used to buy/eat, stores I used to steal from, places I stayed with dudes I was hooking up with. I love this city, shit and its so mulicultural now, much more so than it used to be. A lot of the times when I overhear someone speaking its not in english and I LOVE it, fucking love it.

Applied to the place I hostessed for two or three shifts back after being kicked out of England from Heathrow. Found myself jealous of the dancers when I worked there back then, very surprising to me at the time; well jealous no more. Worked a shift there last night, not a fan, not a fan at allllllllll. First off they’ve got no less than fifty girls working a shift, its insanity, maybe thirty? But a fucking LOT. They’re too strict for their own good as well, I bought a fifty dollar dress earlier (well its not really a dress, its so fucking cute, its this long sleeved, rainbow sparkly, sheer shirtdress that ends just below my ass with these slits going up it. LOVE IT and they told me I couldn’t wear it, wonderful). They also didn’t like my lingerie that I bought, I need to wear proper stripper clothes as they made me buy a thong off their thong rack for twenty fucking bucks so I could work. They wouldn’t have let me work if another girl didn’t offer a spare dress she had, when she overheard me saying I didn’t have anything else to wear. THANK YOU SO MUCH BABE. Do any of you watch Sex and the City, I love that show and I’ve seen all the episodes millions of times. There’s this one where its Charlotte’s 35th birthday and she’s feeling old and depressed about it, they all go to Atlantic City and she meets them wearing this suuuuuuuper whorish dress that she bought in a gift shop. Literally felt like her, this dress was Barbie Pink, backless, very nearly frontless, it had this long cowlneck thing that reached nearly my bellybutton. I was putting it on with my bra when the house mother came over to me and told me to take the bra off haha. Fuck it was interesting seeing me in a getup like that, I should have taken a picture, uhmmmm but I’m going to have to get something similar it looks like.

I won’t be staying at this club, theres more things I don’t like about it.

The girls dance 2–3 at a time for three songs at a time, you don’t choose music, its all long and technoey and drones on and on and on, the poles are plastic, thick and light up. No fun to dance on. I’m dying to get off once I’m finished usually.

The house fee is ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS which is madness. I felt uncomfortable and out of place last night. The dress didn’t help, I had my period, the girls rubbed me the wrong way, EUGH I had to audition right? I’m announced through the DJ, get up on stage and immediately the girl is like ‘no get off! its not your turn!’ ‘’babe they just called me, I’m auditioning’’ ‘no!’ I get off to make sure and lo and fucking behold, I’m right…and then I shared the stage with her and the other girl. The girl who bitched me out didn’t even dance on stage but grinded along the bottom of the stage shovin her ass in the clients faces. Boy oh boy oh boyyyyyyy. Yeah and I have to tip out the house mothers and DJ 10–15 each. I was told to cash out the register man but FUCK THAT BRO I made three hundred dollars by the time I tipped out the DJ, house mothers, the stupid twenty dollar thong so I left with that. The register man only converted my ‘champagne room ticket’ into 200 dollars, when the dude was charged almost EIGHT HUNDRED for the fifty minutes we spent. Fuck that bro. I don’t have to pay the 100 house fee until I work three shifts however, so I’m working my two other shifts then getting the fuck out.

I’M IN A NEW YORKKKKKKKKK STATE OF MINDDDDDD
Hustling the fuck out it, yesssss I remember it well

One girl, mentioned I should go to flashdancers because the average is 700 a night. Something to keep in mind, she said here it ranges from 200–500. NOT ENOUGH BRO

Eh so yeah, bit of a letdown. Thankful they let me work though, three hundred is nothing to sneeze at.

For the first few hours I didn’t make shit, every dude I walked up to was already waiting for someone (no kidding, working with a fucking platoon of girls), had two lapdances. Ended up speaking to this Hasidic man that kind of blew me away, he’s a Capricorn, 32, not attractive, looks older, big belly, typical hasidic looking type, he didn’t really have the curls though, and he didn’t wear an overcoat or a hat or anything. We ended up talking for ages, he’s divorced, feels very frustrated by his religion, his sexual needs, he’s really in with the whole hasidic community and is being looked down upon for his divorce. He’s never gone down on a girl (his ex wife wouldn’t let him), has only had sex with her, has three kids. I feel for the dude, and I genuinely liked his company, so when he dropped almost eight hundred dollars to get me into the champagne room (where nothing happens, they made me sign all sorts of waivers about not fucking or anything) I gave him my number, said we’d go out and pick up some girls. He never drinks because he doesn’t like the taste of alcohol, I got him to get an orange juice with raspberry vodka to see if he liked that and he loveeeeeeed it haha. So we’ll go to a bar, I dont’ know what I’m doing. I told him I’m into girls. I just feel for him, he kept saying things like ‘I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to, I know what I look like’ broke my heart dude. He wasn’t like a debbie downer or anything, he really is cool as fuck. Uhm so yeah, sometimes I wish I wasn’t so nice because I’m stressing over it but whatever.

I’m thinking about letting him go down on me but that would be crazy, right? HAHAHA in Sex and the City Charlotte fucks around with an Hasidic and she keeps it a secret because she’s embarassed about it, but the sex was stellar.

Really I keep thinking about going back to the bar where I spoke to that kid, I forgot to mention he printed out his poetry and gave it to me. Aw. Lately I’ve been sizing up men in my head like ‘are you healthy? endurance strong? mucles to fuck me into oblivion? hmmm’. yeah yeahhhhh

I think Laura is going to approve me, I heard nothing from her yesterday, wrote her a message a few hours ago. If she was going to deny, she’d have said it by now, right? We specifically talked about my moving in on Thursday. Would be a real cunt to decide a ‘no’, so last minute. So really my hopes are high. And Beimeng is cool with me booking another night here.

I’m missing having a balcony, I won’t have one in the Lower East either. I am smoking a hell of a lot less though, so thats a good thing.

I’m thankful for Jeremy because if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be here right now. UNIVERSE YOU KNOW BESSSSSSST

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OH MY FUCKING GODS SHE SAID NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
:O
Said she found someone who can take the place longer which sounds like complete bullshit to me.

She’s not even going to get a response

FUCKKKKKKKK

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Just squeezed a third of my body out the tiny bathroom window to smoke. Was lovely until I dropped half the spliff in the gutter and couldn’t retrieve it with a closet hanger.

Think of your homeless friend, I can’t stay in this kitchen much longer