There is simply never a wrong time to do or say the right thing.
We are all guilty of doing or saying things that hurt other people at some point in our lives. We don’t always mean to do so, and often, we probably don’t even realize how we are affecting others with our words and actions — which typically stem from our own fears rather than anyone else’s intentions.
On the eve of Yom Kippur, a holiday that meant a lot to my dad growing up despite us not being a “religious” family, it’s an opportunity to turn inwards and acknowledge that yes, I’ve inadvertently hurt people and I forgive myself for doing so. I also deeply forgive anyone who has hurt me, unintentionally or on purpose. I know that we are all doing the best we can with whatever we have available to us and from wherever we are along our personal journey on the path to peace, love, joy, health and abundance.
I also know that a kind word or an apology to someone who is hurting can go a long long way towards clearing any past harm or hurts,regardless of whether it has anything to do with me. This is probably what triggered me to offer a heartfelt apology today to someone I really don’t know, yet who harbors anger and resentment towards me as a result of a situation arising from us being neighbors here on Maui. She has three aggressive pitbulls that aren’t always leashed. I have two, well-behaved12-lb maltipoo-style rescue dogs and a sweet cocker spaniel. They have two RVs and a few trucks in their driveway. I have a new Lexus SUV in mine. This is their full-time life; for me, it’s a second home. You get the picture.
As much of a dog lover as I am, and a champion for rescuing dogs of any shape/style needing a home, it was pretty hard to take the panic that ensued when her pups raced (unleashed) across the street and nearly jumped on top of my much smaller crew. It may have been in the name of playfulness, but there was no way to predict these pups’ (theirs or mine) reaction upon first unplanned meeting. My goal had actually been to try to introduce them in a controlled setting, but this happened before I had a chance. With everyone’s safety in mind, I called Animal Control that day and requested they pay attention to the potentially dangerous scenario so that it could be prevented in the future. I received a call telling me these neighbors had been cited/fined for disobeying the leash law. While I felt better knowing I had protected my pups, I didn’t feel good about pissing off the neighbors — especially since they’ve been here much longer than I have.
My instincts were correct (as usual); the next time I encountered this neighbor, she yelled a few nasty obscenities at me. I get it, she’s pissed. She has to keep her pups leashed or in a controlled setting, not off leash running around her front yard with easy access to us. However, I was at a loss as to how to make it better — short of telling her to go ahead and let her pups have at us. This morning, while on my way home from a long meditative walk by the beach, another neighbors’ dog crossed my path. A sweet small pup, it was clear that he needed to be brought home.
My neighbor (with the pitbulls) also happened to be outside and said, “I know him, he lives over there. I’ll bring him home.” There was a kindness in her voice that softened something inside of me. It was an immediate reminder that despite all else, we are both animal lovers. We both wanted this dog to be safe. It was the first time I actually encountered her face to face since the pit bull vs. maltipoo episode, and I took the opportunity to act with love rather than fear or anger. I said to her, “Look, I am really sorry about what happened with our dogs. I truly had everyone’s safety, including your dogs, in mind and wanted to make sure no one got hurt.”
She looked me in the eye, and said, “You didn’t even talk to me first. You called Animal Control and I had to go to court and pay fines with money that I work my a-s off for that takes it away from me and my kids. I drive a piece of sh-t car, it’s hard enough to make ends meet and I don’t have the time or extra money for this. I had to change our entire lifestyle by not being able to let the dogs out in the front yard because you moved in across the street.”
Immediately, I saw her differently. By speaking to her from an authentic place of love and kindness as I sensed her obvious anger at me, I asked her if there is anything I can do to help change the dynamic between us. The reality is that we are both here in this neighborhood, we both have dogs and we both have our own challenges. I suggested that I would be open to introducing the dogs in a controlled, safe setting so that we all feel more comfortable. She walked away from me and said, “that’s what I wanted to do.” I responded with kindness, and let her know that I am still open to that. While there is nothing I can do to change the past or the unfortunate circumstances that led me to call Animal Control, what I can do is be compassionate and recognize that there is always a better solution when you let love and kindness lead the way.
Today’s encounter didn’t solve the overall problem of my neighbor resenting me and my dogs for “ruining” her life (her words) but it did get me refocused on the importance of treating everyone, even strangers, with love. We stand a chance of being “friendly” and for our dogs to be the same. Treating people how you would like to be treated is advice my parents gave me from a very young age, and while we can’t control how others act or feel about us, we can always turn things around by adding a dose of love to our own reactions and subsequent actions. Nothing is ever made worse when you apologize for hurt you may have caused and choose to see the good in people, especially those who you may not even know. We are all fighting our own battles no one else knows nothing about and love is always the answer. Choose it, seek it, live it, give it.
