Not so Fat Girl’s Diary

Philosophical essays on life, love and exercise

January 2, 2016
About old love that never dies. Never, really.

I will erase 
Your number 
From my phone;
Will burn your letters;
Will delete your emails.
But where is 
The button to erase 
Your face 
From my tormented 
Memory?…

…A few days back I met my high-school love. We haven’t seen each other for 10 years. We did have the most fantastic relationship. Never physical. Maximum holding hands. He claims that he “never felt bad with me”. I could claim the same. Now I want to ask him — do you think you’ll feel bad without me once we found each other again? 
 The bad news is that he is married. So. What am I supposed to do? To let go? To walk away? To not think of him? To not make him think of me? 
 He hasn’t changed and he changed a lot. I’m smitten by his personality and by the blueness of his smiling eyes. So. What do I do? 
 We did have an honest conversation on December 31st when we decided that the right thing would be not to get involved in any way. I came home shivering, looking for the ways to remove him. I bravely simulated happiness all night through in front of my relations and the champagne glass was shaking in my hand during the midnight bells chiming. 
 So. What do I do?

During the last week I attended a one-to-one dance class, two high intensity aerobic classes and did stretching on my own at home. Of course, it’s not enough. But better then nothing!

Yours,

Ella