I find the story appealing cause of course it touches on things that happen in the real world and could happen to anyone. But I find it rather intimidating of the “Female” gender as the words used to describe the women in this piece are rather demeaning. Something I learnt from Tom Bird is that while it is true you cannot please both sides or fail to come off as controversial about a certain topic, try not to make the “obviously” controversial story. Like being gender unequal. Just a thought but otherwise the story is nice. Would want to read part two with an improvement though.

Also read Robert McKee’s S.T.O.R.Y , I sense you could use a lot from it too about what we think stories should be about and what they should actually be.

Hope this helps!