I Left My Cushy Job to Study Depression. Here’s What I Learned.
The self-loathing that often strikes in adolescence can fuel our inner critics
“You are 25 and already running your own business. Do you know how many people twice your age wish they could say that?”
My friend, a producer at the BBC, is baffled. I’ve just told her about my depression and how it’s only been getting worse since I co-founded a startup company two years earlier. She’s having none of it. In her mind, I’m living the life, and she’s stuck working for the man. I want to tell her that I’m drowning and losing it, fast. But she has that look on her face—one of genuine bewilderment on the cusp of spilling into mild reproach—and I know what’s coming. I’ve heard a version of it one too many times over the past months: You’ll snap out of it, hon. Just think positive! Look on the bright side! Be grateful!
But I don’t snap out of it. Depression and I go a long way back. I’ve denied, ignored, and stuffed it down for years. I’ve fought it and fled it, and when nothing worked, I walked for 500 miles across Spain, twice, in a desperate attempt to exorcise it. All in vain.
One thing I learned was that even at our most fragile, we are more resilient than we imagine…
