So this is what the bottom feels like….
September 11, 2018. 17 years ago today, the US was shaken to its core by a terrorist attack. Terrorist hijacked planes and drove them into The Twin Towers and the Pentagon. THOUSANDS of ppl were killed. THOUSANDS were injured. I remember sitting in my 6th grade Social Studies class when Ms. Cliffton rolled the television into our classroom. For the 90’s babies here, you know what that meant….MOVIES! But I remember not getting excited. Something about the way Ms. Cliffton rolled the tv in wasn’t the same. I remember her cutting it on and her stepping out into the hallway as she bawled. I remember sitting at my desk not exactly understanding what I was watching that day. I just knew that it was very very bad. I knew that those buildings were tall but they were not supposed to be crumbling like that. Why were they crumbling like that? We were sent home early that day. Again, something every child looks forward to. But as me and my sister climbed into my mom’s car, seeing her crying, I knew this early dismissal wasn’t to be celebrated. 17 years later we still remember the lives lost. But for some reason, today of all days, I having those same feelings of being lost, not really understanding what exactly I’m seeing. I’m experiencing that same despair I felt as a 6th grader as a 28 year old adult. Today, I hit rock bottom….
How so? I’ll give you more of who I am and how I got in this pit in a later post. But for now, know that I am a 28 year old, black female who has NO clue what she’s doing here. And by “here” I mean on this site. By “here” I mean on this earth. And because I haven’t the slightest on what my “why” is….here i am. I’m what a lot of people would describe as “normal”. I’m average in just about every way. I have a job (2 at that), I have a good family, I live in a country but normal city in a normal apartment. I’m average height and weight. On a beauty scale from 1–10 I’m an 7 on a good day. I drive a normal car, I graduated from a normal college, i have great friends and a boyfriend. See, just as average as they come. Today started as a normal,regular day for me. I woke up 30 minutes after my alarm went off (normal), laid in bed for about 5 min scrolling on social media, got out of bed and started my morning routine. BOOM! I had started my period. Ok girl, whooptedo! You’re a woman of age in generally good health…of course you’re gonna get a period every month. DUH! But I was hoping this month, I wouldn’t. (I’ll explain this in a later post as well). And that triggered my descend. From insertion of the organic tampon to now. I’ve been falling into this pit and I’ve hit the bottom. So now what? What’s your point sis? You still haven’t given me anything that is tragic enough to have you in this pit? Stick with me. I promise to rewind and give you every detail that got me here.
After word vomiting with a couple close friend of mine today I finally agreed on something... I love to write and I have a gift with words. I also have a passion for helping people. ok?….Why not just get a diary? I have one. I got it from TJ Maxx. It’s beautiful. I never use it. I need to write. I need to type. But I also need people to HEAR me. I need people to FEEL me. I want people to relate to my words and hopefully HELP them. So here’s the start of me climbing out of the bottom of this pit and i plan on bringing all of out with me. Enjoy.