Why We Fear
The Finnish author, entrepreneur and trailblazer extraordinaire Henkka Hyppönen’s newest book Why We Fear: Unmasking the emotion that turns us into winners or losers in life and in business (2015, Tammi) takes a deep dive into one of the most powerful F-words of all time: fear. Below are some of the musings this fantastic gem of a book inspired in me.
For a while now, I have been passionate about understanding how humans endure and overcome adversities, and how we sometimes take action against the most unlikely odds. I also seek to understand those brave ones among us who time and again transcend pain, uncertainty and obstacles.
Having witnessed first hand how fear can rob people the chance to live their best lives (and having once been entangled in its powerful grip myself), I’m curious about any clues that may help us better understand its nature. For most people whose life stories I have examined as part of my PhD (which focuses on the psychology of overcoming extreme obstacles; see also sisu), the big changes in their lives have involved reimagining challenges and adversities in a whole new way. On a personal note, learning to transform some of my worst fears into fuel for courage and accepting fear as one of the most natural parts of being human has been one of the most profound experiences of my life.
What’s interesting is that my experience of fear itself, as a psychological and physiological cue, has remained pretty much unchanged. However, my attitude toward fear evolved and that has enabled me to function differently. For all these reasons, and knowing Henkka Hyppönen as one of Finland’s top public speakers (a profession in which you pretty much can’t help but transform into a superhero-level fear slayer), hearing about his new book piqued my curiosity immediately.
Captain Amygdala
and the Fight for Our Attention
The popular acronym ‘False Evidence Appearing Real’ seems to describe
the relationship between our brain and fear in a modern world context pretty aptly (in most parts of the world, that is). For most readers of this blog, there are no saber-toothed tigers lurking in the bushes, and in normal conditions we don’t have to constantly fear for our survival.
However, our brain is still the same trigger-happy chunk of fear neurons controlled by Captain Amygdala that it was 60–70 thousand years ago (the amygdala is the tireless emotional processor located on the temporal lobe of the brain. Watch a short video here).
However, most of the threat-triggering cues that the modern individual registers are rather mundane in terms of being actual threats to survival: social situations, imagining potential futures, calculating risks and navigating the social structures of our daily lives. The problem is that, despite being an amazing triumph of evolution, the neuron bundles wobbling between our ears have not quite evolved to intuitively grasp the difference between a menacing angler fish and an ominous look from a boss during a morning meeting (in some cases, however, these two may be indistinguishable from one another). We subconsciously scan our environment for potential threats, and our amygdala lights up from the smallest cues. A ‘brainverbial’ hell breaks loose when the alarms go off and we are left dealing with sensations of anxiety, uncertainty, unsettledness and fear.
The Price We Pay for Fear
The book’s original Finnish title translates as ‘The price we pay for fear’. In fact, it might be a useful (and admittedly perhaps scary) exercise to reflect on your past decisions honestly in order to get a sense of how your emotions may have influenced various behaviors and decisions.
What opportunities might you have lost because you didn’t dare to take the first step, call that guy or girl, apply for the job, accept a job offer, sign up for that Ironman or self-defense class? The notable thing is that each and every little decision we make sets in motion an entire cycle of events, and the result of those events is what we call our life.
It matters what we think about things because our thoughts manifest themselves through our actions, and in that way they shape the course of our lives.
Similarly, our fears are not an insignificant matter. At worst they can persuade us to become mere bystanders in our own lives. The good news is that through rather simple exercises we can become aware of our fears as well as other emotions that prime our behavior. All you need is an honest attitude, time for reflection and preferably a pen and some paper to note down your thought process. Inspired by Hyppönen’s book Why We Fear, I set out to examine my own past.
Butterfly effect, exhibit A (shying away)
One of the major moments when I may have missed an opportunity because of fear had to be when I was asked to become a teaching assistant for the new batch of Applied Positive Psychology master’s students at the University of Pennsylvania. The person asking me to be his TA was none other than Dr. Martin Seligman (or ‘Marty’, as he is fondly known by those at UPenn), one of the most eminent psychologists of our time. Marty proposed this a few times, yet every time I came up with a different excuse.
I bought my own excuses and felt good about my decision ever since. It was only recently, while reading Hyppönen’s book, that I realized I may have in fact turned down Marty’s proposal out of fear of not being good enough. One of the likely onsets for the negative, fearful narrative that eroded my self-esteem and consequently impacted my decision traces back to a moment at the beginning of my first semester at UPenn in 2012. One of my classmates (let’s call her Tactless) made a very insulting remark which left me feeling quite vulnerable and insecure. This encounter made my budding imposter syndrome morph into full-blown insecurity regarding my self-worth and skills.
The experience, however, became also one of my most defining moments of self-discovery, as I gained awareness of the fact that we all have an immense power not only to open doors for each other but also to close them (if there’s a main takeaway in this article, that was it). This systemic nature of all interaction calls us to take responsibility for our actions.
We become the story we tell ourselves, but we are also influenced by the stories people tell us about ourselves.
Face your fear, but also choose your company wisely. (Related: one of my favorite quotes by fiction novelist William Gibson above).
Butterfly effect, exhibit B (taking the chance)
Another example of a moment of huge importance measured with the butterfly-effect-o-meter is from June 2013. I had never given a public speech, and the opportunity to do so presented itself very unexpectedly. My classmate at UPenn was invited to give a workshop at the International World Congress on Positive Psychology in Los Angeles. Her original speaking partner canceled shortly before the event, and she proposed that I take her spot. I was excited, and horrified! In many surveys, people often describe public speaking as one of their worst fears. Our fear of standing up and talking in front of a group seems so great that some people indicate they fear it more than death (in surveys at least). It was also one of my worst fears, but that’s kind of why I knew I should explore. Perhaps there’s growth and lessons to be learned in that space.
Saying ‘yes’ to the opportunity came to mark the beginning of what is now one of my primary jobs: being a public speaker. However, to do so — and actually getting up on the stage and not bailing out with the excuse of fake bird flu (yes, the thought crossed my mind) — required me to reach far beyond what I thought I was capable of doing, and to tap into something the Finns like to call sisu.
Seriously, when I got up onto the stage I didn’t have butterflies in my stomach, it was more like a fire-breathing dragon-bat, with the wingspan of 2 meters.
However, by the time I was done about 30 or so minutes later, I knew I had found something I that I would love to explore and work on improving. I also met my future PhD advisor and one of my best friends for the first time at the conference. I can’t even bear to imagine an alternative reality in which I would have said no to the opportunity because of fear. Fear of being at a loss for words, of being boring, and of not accepted by my peers.
Again, being afraid of not being good enough.
Now, exactly two and a half years and around 40–50 speeches, interviews, and live raTV recordings later, what once caused me to nearly faint has become something I love doing and I often even discover a sense of a flow during the talks. However, like pretty much everything in life, this too is still a process ; )
We are the grand sum of our choices. By facing what scares us the most, as Hyppönen points out, we can develop our character and become stronger and more versatile.
Get Your Fear-Slayer Suit On
We are creatures of reason, driven by the instinct to survive and preserve equilibrium. Humans constantly run mental simulations of their current situation and environment, in order to detect opportunities and especially possible threats. When we observe a challenge which appears greater than our perceived resources, it is only rational to back down.
Evolution comes before survival only in the dictionary, as the millions of cells in our bodies each bear witness to the triumph of natural selection and survival.
We are programmed to evolve just enough to ensure survival, and not to evolve any further; evolution occurs only when it is conducive to the continuity of life. However, in order to thrive and evolve, we must also sometimes step into uncertainty and engage in activities which stretch our mental reserves.
Hyppönen’s book offers a fun and concise dive into the research on fear, along with numerous real-life examples and funny anecdotes from many walks of history. He explores the macro and micro-level corners of fear in a way that, in my opinion, brings the topic within reach for those who may benefit from it most: people who (think they) are too busy to read books on psychology-related topics, even though the information could be a game-changer for them.
I also enjoyed the appendices in the end of the book that included themes such as ‘Causes of fear, ‘Methods for an individual to control and defeat fear’ and ‘The economic effects of fear relating to entrepreneurship.’ I warmly recommend Why We Fear to entrepreneurs, public speakers, teachers, grad students, and really to anyone struggling with personal challenges or just feeling like they need to wo/man-up in the courage department.
The best way to predict the future is to create it. Understanding our behavioral patterns around fear (and the strategies we can deploy when experiencing fear) has the power to help us have more autonomy regarding ‘the making of the future process’. It allows us to think more clearly and make decisions based on reason and intuitive thought, rather than fear and all that nasty angler fish/gremlin stuff.
No one can escape fear, but perhaps by meeting it with the right mindset — with awareness of our underlying strength and adaptability — we can learn to embrace it for what it is, and harness it for the benefit of our future well-being.
What would you do if fear was no obstacle? What challenge would you ‘yes’ to, or what habits, relationships or other things you would say ‘no’ to? Let’s make 2016 the year when we’ll blow our own socks off.
“All things are ready, if your mind be so.”
William Shakespeare, Henry V
Emilia Lahti is a Ph.D. student, social activist and public speaker with special interest in applied psychology, human rights and gender equality. She’s currently training to run the length of New Zealand in order to raise awareness on the prevalence of violence within families. www.emilialahti.com.
This article appeared also at The Sisu Lab.
