Shot
Recently, I had eye surgery on my right eye. The surgery went well and my eye is slowly healing. However, as my eye heals I have formed a lazy eye. The surgery was on my right eye so my left eye has become dominant. As a result, my right eye has shifted in my right eye socket continually looking to the right as I attempt to look straight.
I don’t think that I’m the most handsomest man there is. I’m not some strong body builder or muscular guy. I’m skinny and lanky so what I’ve always had going for myself in the looks department is my face. For my face to be distorted by this lazy eye has really been a shot to my confidence and I really want to get out of this rut and regain it. Everywhere I go I wear sunglasses to hide my lazy eye. I’m even trying to avoid going to a job fair because I don’t want to be seen with this lazy eye.
This experience has really opened my eyes to what I lay my confidence in. It’s gotten me to think about what my identity is in, what my foundation is in. As a Christian, I’m taught to find it in Jesus but on a practical level, I don’t know how that looks like or even necessarily what that means. I try to picture in my mind how I would live if my foundation was in Jesus and I come up blank.
Does it mean I memorize scripture and remind myself who God says I am whenever I’m feeling insecure? Does it mean denying the American Dream of accomplishment where I’ve put my foundation? I don’t know.
I so want to be secure in who He made me to be in spite of my circumstances but I’m not sure how to.
