Queering the Squared Circle

Andrew
Andrew
Aug 9, 2017 · 4 min read
Adrian Street with his coal miner father. Queerdom in a manly man's world.

Recently I took a step away from professional politics and that left me with a void of time, one i’ve replaced with Indy wrestling. At first it wasn’t intended to be so, it was a one off show in a warehouse in Newcastle with Jay Lethal. But from there I was encouraged to a show in Walker, Newcastle, and in the queue for that I met a great friend, and it snowballed from there.

Now the purpose of this piece is not as such a biography of the highs and lows of being a LGBT fan, there probably has been more lows than highs for the record though, it’s about how the two can reconcile with each other, when mixed with own strong identity with a more radical queer politics and the ethical dilemmas that arise out of those. .

Part of the process of transferring my time, energy and money to indy wrestling away from politics, was a consideration of my sexuality, and indeed resulting politics. I made the conscious decision to not overtly reveal my sexuality, for the first months I joined in the “Phwoar she’s a bit fit”, the inevitable of any male grouping, not because I was scared of reactions as such, but because I didn’t know how it would affect the dynamics of newly cemented friendships. There hasn’t ever been a formal coming out process, and as I write I still have no idea at what point my friends knew or how much they know, but the joining of a married couple, incidentally two women, to the group, obviously helped, the situation along. I write about this struggle, because that’s what it is at times, the fear of how my identity might alienate me from something I love, and the fear of not knowing how the two could, fit together, if at all.

Now one of the things i’ve struggled with is the ethics of spending money on bigots. My reaction to most homophobes is a shutdown, to simply avoid and cut out of my life, to treat them with the most disdain i’d care to muster. So how does this work with wrestling? For this purpose I want to use the first big challenge I faced. This was Jim Cornette, commentating at a WCPW iPPV. Cornette has said more homophobic things than I care to recount, and this isn’t a trial, but how does someone radically opposed to homophobia in all forms, and that means not simply stating the hatred, but taking action, action that may sometimes be an inconvenience to myself and others deal with his appearance, in a setting they haven’t scoped out for safety? Having already bought tickets, what level of disdain do I show a decision to bring the man over? That can range from simply disagreeing on social media, through selling tickets, through full on boycott. In my own idealised world, I’d want to see a full on apology and revoking of invite for inviting a clearly vile human being.

But to consider that position, would probably isolation I know that a lot of friends like Cornette because he’s so outspoken and edgy, I know that i’d be standing on my own in a clearly very manly man world, fighting against a big company, who has decent people in the main working for it, but in the main care little for ethics, or the care of minorities. How much could I really consider isolating myself from friends, and a world I was just starting to feel a part of?

Ultimately, I went, I may have even cheered Cornette, and felt a great searing mental pain of perceived weasledom for weeks after. I’d given in, rolled over and excused someone I never normally would for the sake of atmosphere, and fitting in.

That pride flag!

The problem is this same problem crops time after time. At a show with Jack Sexsmith I took a pride flag, whilst getting him to sign it, a local wrestler did his best to make that situation uncomfortable, deliberate or not, how do you react to that? He’s at almost every show I’m at, and he other than that moment has been nothing but nice. I didn’t even tell my friends about that uncomfortable experience, I just have to feel a sense of trepidation every time he speaks, because at what points do my ethics over ride my fear?

Can I go on no selling the homophobia, do I watch that show with the Briscoe Brothers on knowing one of them would see me dead? do I simply skip their match? or do I watch it and remember that all wrestlers are characters? Do I simply to refuse engage, retweet or watch Lucha Forever videos knowing what Ryan Smiles views are?

The answer is I honestly don’t know how to deal with these situations, the years in being an out gay man haven’t yielded the answers I crave. Maybe when I feel more secure and a part of the communities I can speak out more, and tolerate less. I’ve always tried to live by a mantra of never being a bystander to homophobia, that those who preach harmful views, shouldn’t work in public facing roles with impunity, but lately i’ve stood by? There’s no easier answer, but I hope someday, that these questions will produce easier answers, that’s when I’ll know it’s truly safe to be gay, until then I’m left with the simple question, how do I queer the squared circle?

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade