Facing Betrayal in Relationships: Letting Go and Moving Forward
Do all marriages that have experienced betrayal have to end in divorce? Of course not. This is not only because many such marriages exist in reality, where existence is reasonable, but also because the institution of marriage encompasses more than just emotions. In other words, even without emotions, a marriage may still have other enduring values.
Therefore, in this respect, it is reasonable not to divorce in the face of betrayal. Many people choose to salvage and repair their feelings after experiencing betrayal. If they succeed, it is certainly a rewarding effort. However, if reconciliation and repair are impossible, especially when the other party has been blatantly betraying you, what should you do then?
This article discusses how to deal with marriages where reconciliation is no longer possible.
First, there is a question that one needs to ask oneself: under what circumstances would you completely give up on this relationship?
It is not difficult to find that many people, in the face of the other party’s betrayal, are unable to move on and can never free themselves. The fundamental reason for this is that they can never let go of this relationship or the other person. If you can never let go, you will always hold on to fantasies, leading to perpetual disappointment. Placing hope for your own transformation and happiness in someone you don’t even have confidence in is not persistence, but obsession.
Therefore, if you cannot answer the question “under what circumstances would you completely give up,” then your pain will surely be something you can never free yourself from. To onlookers, this kind of pain is seen as self-inflicted.
Secondly, in the face of irreparable betrayal or hopeless reconciliation, divorce should be considered. In fact, in such situations, divorce is the correct choice. When a person can no longer take responsibility for themselves, they should bravely take responsibility for their own lives. Divorce in this situation is simply a responsible action, so do not always view divorce as negative; sometimes, divorce is full of positive energy.
For those who have been extremely disregarded, hurt, degraded, and even humiliated by their partner, and yet have never considered divorce, any excuse they have is just a way to avoid facing their own problems. Therefore, divorce should be considered and acted upon in such situations.
Of course, divorce is not that simple and will face many problems and obstacles. Some of these problems and obstacles may indeed be insurmountable, resulting in the inability to divorce in the end.
However, there is a difference. The effort and consideration you put into divorce versus never having thought about or dared to think about divorce are fundamentally different. The most important difference lies in this: in the former, not divorcing is due to obstacles, so what you focus on is overcoming these obstacles; in the latter, not divorcing is because you still hold on to fantasies about marriage, thereby trying to revive it. Everyone has their own choice, but you must be clear about what kind of choice is possible.
Furthermore, if divorce is not possible due to certain obstacles, these obstacles need to be further specified. They include practical and psychological problems. For example, economic and material concerns are practical problems, while the fear of not living well after divorce and facing old age alone is a psychological problem. The issue of children is both a practical and a psychological problem.
Practical problems can be solved by either striving to meet one’s own needs or giving up interests. The resolution of psychological problems depends on one’s own confidence and strength. Ultimately, most problems can be resolved. Therefore, in such a marriage, what you need to strive for is to address these problems bit by bit.
For the most common example, many people do not divorce because of their children. In this case, ask yourself a few questions:
First, is staying married for the sake of the children or for yourself?
Many people may not have an answer to this question. Without evasion, many people actually use their children to cover up their own problems. Those who truly stay married for the sake of their children are at least positive about life and do not constantly lament, because they want to set an example for their children. Those couples who argue and fight all the time are definitely not staying married for the sake of their children.
Second, if it is for the sake of the children, then after the children grow up, will you choose to divorce?
At present, many people would answer affirmatively. But when the time comes, they may not be so resolute. They may tell themselves to wait until the children have stable jobs, or until they start their own families. A young person once said that they were most annoyed by their parents who had been hostile to each other for so many years but did not divorce, and every time they said, “Isn’t this all for you?” The adults’ failure to handle their issues has burdened the child instead.
Therefore, when facing betrayal in a relationship, it is possible to choose not to divorce, but you must ask yourself clearly why. Face yourself, understand the reasons, let go of what needs to be let go, make efforts where needed, and you will gradually improve and eventually move on.
