We’ve covered all my negative emotions, including Anger, Fear, and Sadness. Today we shift gears into the first of my positive feelings: Calm.
Unlike the primary negative emotions, which are linked but tend to be easier to differentiate from one another, positive emotions often blend together. Therefore, the best way to differentiate calm vs. happiness vs. excitement is based on energy level. Calm is at the low energy end of the spectrum, while excitement is at the high energy end. All three of these emotions can be felt at various levels of intensity, but in different ways - we might experience intense calm as a profound sense of peace during a quiet walk in the woods, whereas intense excitement is the feeling that makes us want to shout from the rooftops when we’re in love. So while calm may be related to happiness, I consider it a separate emotion, as highlighted by Empath’s emotional wheel:
Now that we’ve explored a few different emotions, it’s interesting to analyze calm in the context of this wheel. Calm feelings are generally positive valence and low energy - diametrically opposed from anger (negative valence, high energy) and adjacent to but vertically opposed from sadness (negative valence, low energy). Since both calm and sadness are low energy emotions, they are more likely to be driven by similar patterns on the energy dimension (e.g., I’m more likely to feel calm or sad at the end of the day when I’m tired), but less likely to be driven by similar patterns on the valence dimension. Meanwhile, since calm and anger are diametrically opposed, these emotions will tend to be driven by opposing patterns (e.g., I tend to feel calm when work stress is low and I’ve slept well, vs. angry when work stress is high and I’ve slept poorly). This same framework can be used to analyze the dynamics between every emotion on the wheel, making it an extremely powerful tool.
With that in mind, let’s take a closer look at what calms me down, as well as when and where I most often feel mellow. Once again, Empath holds the key:
As with other emotions, we can identify a few clusters of related words in this word cloud. The first interesting one that stands out is morning/coffee, two words that were often found together in the same post. In fact, when I went back through all the journal posts I made on Empath in the last two years, I counted half a dozen that included both words. Here are two examples:
So what is it about morning coffee that I find so calming? The coffee itself is full of caffeine, and that certainly isn’t calming me down. Rather, it’s the daily routine of waking up, exercising, showering, and enjoying my morning cup of coffee that instills me with a feeling of quiet contentment. Routines are familiar, familiarity builds comfort, and comfort calms the mind.
The next and perhaps most important cluster - family/wife/baby /dog/love - relates to the people (and pets!) I care about most in the world. This comes as no surprise. My love language is quality time, and there is perhaps nothing I enjoy more than going for walks or playing in the park with my wife Ashley, my daughter Kinley, and my dog Kimba. The love and affection shared by family members is restorative in ways we’re only beginning to understand. In fact, recent studies have demonstrated the healing power of hugs through the release of a neurochemical called oxytocin “that helps us build trust, that somewhat dissolves short-term memory, and that makes us feel warm all over.” Oxytocin has even been shown to speed the healing of physical wounds. Meanwhile, stress-induced emotions like anger and fear release a hormone called cortisol that slows down the healing process while preparing us to handle a perceived threat, a perfect example of opposing emotions performing specialized functions suited for different circumstances. Here are a couple examples of calm posts inspired by my loved ones, the first of which also includes a reference to our weekend morning walk routine:
The last cluster that stands out in my calm word cloud is weekend/mountains, another pair that often appeared together in my journal. Weekends tend to be calming for most of us, if for no other reason than they provide a needed respite from the stresses of the work week. For me, weekends spent in the natural beauty of the Rocky Mountains are particularly revitalizing, as were weekends spent surfing in the Pacific Ocean when I lived in San Francisco. Here are several posts highlighting my association between natural beauty and tranquility, particularly when I can enjoy nature with family and friends:
So now that we know the things that help to restore balance in my life, when and where do I most often find myself feeling calm? Here are a few patterns:
- I over index on calm posts in the afternoon. While weekend mornings tend to be calming, as evidenced by the presence of the word “morning” in my word cloud, my high volume of angry and fearful posts during weekday mornings outweighed my calm posts on weekend mornings.
- I over index on calm posts early in the week, particularly on Wednesdays. Given that fearful posts also disproportionately occurred early in the week, this is another case that’s highly dependent on the sort of week I’m having.
- More than a quarter of my calm posts occur while traveling, often while I’m on vacation with loved ones or enjoying a weekend in the mountains.
- Even within Denver, a significant percentage of my calm posts occur away from home or work, typically at parks, restaurants, or other venues where I enjoy spending time with my family on nights and weekends.
So what have I learned about the calming influences in my life, and how can I apply these lessons to find greater peace of mind? Here are a few ideas:
- I can establish enjoyable routines to build more familiarity into life.
As we saw with my habit of exercising and drinking coffee in the morning, routines can be calming simply because they are familiar. Other routines I have begun to cultivate in recent months include going on regular walks after work with my wife and daughter, and meditating in the evenings. - I can protect quality time with my loved ones.
Time with my wife, daughter, and dog, as well as my extended family and close friends, is absolutely precious. Getting to truly relax and be myself with the people I love reminds me what really matters in life and puts any perceived problems I have into perspective. This not only explains why I feel calm when I’m with the people (and pets!) I care about, it also helps to explain why I feel sad when I have to leave my loved ones to go to work. - I can seek out opportunities to spend time in nature.
I’ve traveled a lot in my life, and I can honestly say that America has more natural beauty than any other country I’ve ever been to. I also happen to live in Colorado, whose Rocky Mountains sit near the top of America’s list of natural wonders. I’ve always felt there’s something about mountains in particular that have the power to make us feel small in a way that is deeply comforting, putting our individual problems in the context of a larger universe with a much grander plan. Getting into nature is therapeutic.
Having covered calm, we move next to happiness and finally to excitement for a thrilling finale! See you again tomorrow : )
