The Weird Things People Have Told Me During and After Sex

  • One time I tried this position with a girl and she fell and cracked her head open
  • You don’t moan like pornstars do
  • So uh… do you want to get dunks?
  • My roommate just texted me and asked why I’m masturbating so loud. Can you start moaning or something?
  • I’m making you my number one side hoe
  • I want to be so deep inside you that I hit your cervix
  • Oh shit sorry wrong hole
  • What do you mean you didn’t cum? I’ve been touching you for 10 minutes now
  • I have the opposite of erectile dysfunction
  • You’re too wet for me. Is it possible for you to dry up a bit?
  • Do you mind if my roommate comes in and grabs something? You can keep going he’ll only be a minute
  • I’ve never fucked a fat girl before
  • Listen, you’re pretty good in bed but if I’m going to see you again I need your ass to be fatter. I can’t fuck girls with no asses
  • Can we take a 5 minute break? I need a snack.
  • Are you sure you don’t want it in the butt?
  • I don’t believe the clitoris is real. I think it’s a thing women made up to make fun of guys in bed.
  • I’m only doing this to get back at my boyfriend.
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