Is this a midlife crisis?

My battle endless battle with a number. 

Hi. My name is Erin, I am 36 and I have no idea what I am doing with my life.

Sound familiar to anyone?

Here I am, in the ‘prime of my life’ and I can’t even decide what I want to be when I grow up. I spend countless hours daydreaming of what I want to do, only to be catapulted back into reality: I AM grown up. Not only am I lost in a career I loathe, but suddenly the urge to learn how to play the guitar, how to surf and how to drive a stick shift are all things I must do immediately!

The problem with all of these brilliant ideas, isn’t that I have them, it’s that there are so many, I get overwhelmed with the idea of doing them, so I just recoil back into my boring office job while scenes from Office Space play over and over in my head. Each idea comes bubbling to the surface, “I’m going to learn how to fly a plane,” but is quickly forgotten once the next idea comes to light. Aside from that, learning a new trade takes time and money, both of which I am short on.

This must be a midlife crisis.

While Googling, “How to know if you are in a midlife crisis,” I came across a list provided by Dr. Phil titled, Warning Signs of a Midlife crisis. All I saw was the word warning and I immediately went into panic mode thinking how terrible this is and I am doomed. I decided to pick a handful of my favorites in order to help determine once and for all, if I am suffering from this awful problem:

*A decrease in weight, a new obsession with exercise and physical appearance.

Although I DID just go to a hot yoga class with my friend last night and have lost 20 pounds over the last several months, I would HARDLY describe this as an obsession, more like making better health choices.

*A desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness.

There was that one time I told everyone I was getting Botox and went for a consultation, only to have them tell me it would be $1,000.00 in order to look “youthful” for three months. No thanks.

*Acting on compulsions with food, drugs or alcohol.

Ummmm…..I have been acting compulsively with all of these things since my teenage years, so I think this has less to do with mid-life issues and more to do with all-life issues.

*Greatly increased or decreased ambition.

Alright, this is where things start to look grim for me folks. You see, I have increased ambition until I actually go to do the thing I am ambitious about and then my ambition decreases when I see how much time and money this is actually going to cost me. So I don’t really think this is a fair warning sign and should probably just be titled LAZY AND BROKE.

*Frequent daydreaming or feelings of nostalgia.

Oh boy. This is definitely happening to me. Currently as I type this I am thinking about the time I could play a sport or exercise without being battered and bruised afterwards, not to mention the time I could stay up past 9:30 pm on a week night. Ah, those were the days!

And finally:

*Unable to make decisions about where he or she wants to go in life.

This is it. This is the bread and butter of what is currently going on. I am unable to decide what to do with my life because there are so many things I want to do, how can I pick just one?

After muddling over the warning signs, analyzing my life goals and talking to a close friend about what I am thinking, I have realized that the amount of pressure I have put on myself to know exactly what I should be doing with my life because I am 36, is the very thing that is keeping me from pursuing the dreams that I have. I am so worried about my AGE, that I am not concentrating on simply doing things because they make me happy, instead I am focusing solely on the idea that I am running out of time. So am I going through a midlife crisis? Nah. Wanting more for myself and attempting new things is what keeps a smile on my face and that is far from a crisis.