Why You’re Holding On To Toxic Emotions
In one of my very first client sessions when I was getting started as a performance coach, we were doing Time Line Therapy™ on negative emotions, which is basically a deep clean of the unconscious mind to get rid of emotions that no longer serve an individual’s greatest good. We were working on anger and when I was going into the testing steps of the procedure, I was finding that he hadn’t let it go. So I would circle back around, try a few things, test and find again that he still hadn’t let it go.
I started asking questions that would frame the release so that he would get a closer understanding of the major benefits to his health, his mentality and the future that he wanted to create for himself that he’d come to see me for in the first place.
His frustration was mounting because of course it makes sense to release a toxic emotion, he was here for a reason, why wasn’t it working?
The answer is what I’ve come to learn is true for many of us: because that toxicity has become a part of us. We took the first sip of that nasty, addictive poison most likely in our first seven years of life and without us even knowing about it, the emotion becomes a part of our identity much like our creativity, professions, relationships and passions.
In a gorgeous moment of vulnerability and honesty he shared with me that he couldn’t let it go, he didn’t know who he would be without it.
When my clients come to me, it’s because they are ready to make shifts in their lives. But here’s the thing: in order to create change, we often have to break our patterns. In order to change, we often have to release something familiar and embrace something new. And even when we feel inspired to make those changes, taking those steps and looking over the edge of a new life, new identity, can be a daunting experience.
Just like any unknown, we’re going to have a lot of questions. Also like any unknown, sometimes we just have to tap into that faith muscle and go into the unfamiliar.
I checked in with my client one more time to ask if it was okay for him to release the emotion (sometimes it’s not, sometimes the client isn’t ready and if that’s the case, that is completely fine). When I got a fully congruent “yes” out of him, we went through again.
There’s an energy shift when someone is making a significant change. I could feel it in him. The air in my loft got lighter and the muscles in his face changed. He was allowing his unconscious mind to release the anger, he was taking that leap of faith that his identity would not only be in tact on the other side, but it would serve him in a powerful way. Which it did. Shortly after the energy shift, he stood up out of his seat and said that he knows exactly what he has to do. In this case it was move to be with a loved one and pursue a career change that he’d always wanted, but never executed on.
By releasing anger, he made room for faith. By evolving out of his old identity, he was met with a powerful persona, a decisive man who knew exactly what he had to do.
As our surface desires to be better people grow, it’s imperative that a deeper shift happens as well. Holding on to toxic emotions serves as a beacon of familiarity and of comfort, but life’s magic happens outside of the comfort zone. Know that you are brave enough to make that shift and to be the person beneath the surface, ready to unleash itself on to the world.
#coaching #success #motivation
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